Beanie's Blog

My First Skirt!

2012-02-12T22:05:00.000Z

My mum is an expert sewer and I have always been in awe of the things she can make and wanted to try something out for myself.

So, for my Christmas I received a pattern for a simple skirt to get me on my way to sewing my own clothes. I then bought some lovely, flowery material and set to work on my first ever pattern.

I say that this was my first ever bit of clothing made but I suppose I did have a hand in a skirt that was made for me last summer. I was supposed to make it but it turned out to be just a wee bit too difficult for me so mum did much of the darting, sewing, pinning and the like. The skirt is just gorgeous but I hadn't made it all myself so I wanted to see how I could cope with a project from start to finish.

Come on down... Simplicity Sew Simple 1966.

All in all, it was a fairly easy pattern to sew. I needed help with a few terms (basting being the more obvious that I can remember) and also to simply decipher what was being asked. Thanks, mum!

I also learned a few valuable lessons. Mainly:

Make sure you're sewing your pieces the right way, or the wrong way round
Unpicking is only fun when you've got something decent to watch on the telly
Sew straight
But that's only good if you cut straight before hand and don't go outside the lines (my colouring books as a child were immaculate so I should be good at this one!)
Make sure you're cutting your pieces straight to the grain by measuring up from the edge (otherwise you'll have to start your waistband again)
Sew your hems straight and properly or you'll be forever cutting dangling threads from the edges
Make sure there's enough room for your elastic and don't try and force it in
Always keep a hold of the end of your elastic because inserting it three times isn't fun no matter what is on the telly

And now it's done.

I'm fair chuffed with it and am quite proud of myself. There are things I need to work on but how are you supposed to learn if you don't first make mistakes? At least that's what I'm telling myself!!

Here is the finished item:

Please forgive the leggings - I really need to either get a pair that fits or just wear tights!

Next up is a pair of short trousers for summer made out of a sheet that was leftover from my bedroom curtains. How 'Sound of Music' is that? :)

B x

A Pinteresting Week

2012-01-15T16:15:00.001Z

Over the Christmas break I was introduced to the world of Pinterest.

For anyone who hasn't checked it out yet, it's basically an online pinboard where you can pin and collect anything and everything that you find around the internet.

So far I have been mostly pinning recipes, craft projects, dress making patterns and ideas for my house.

It's ridiculously addictive and I have so many things from it that I want to try that this week I decided to get started.

So...

One of the first things I pinned was a recipe from The Tidy Nest blog that was for freezer smoothies.

The idea is that you freeze up some fruit of your choice as well as some spoonfuls of yoghurt.

Then you place them in little freezer bags and pop them back in the freezer. When you want a smoothie you simply remove the bag from the freezer and blitz it up in a blender with some orange juice and there you go. Perfect for a quick breakfast on the go.

I used: 2 kiwi, 2 bananas, a little over 4 cups of frozen berries (I got a pack of frozen summer fruits from Tesco that I divided up between the bags) and a large tub of peach yoghurt. I split everything into 4 bags. With each bag I added 500ml (or there abouts) of not-from-concentrate orange juice and that gave me two smoothie servings. When I do it again I will divide it into 8 bags so I only have one smoothie per bag.

I would also suggest that you freeze the fruit in individual pieces before bagging them up rather than deciding, like me, that you couldn't be bothered. This means that it's not so difficult for the blender to smooth up all the pieces.

I was really impressed with this and will definitely be trying it again. A really easy and quick breakfast that kept me full right through until lunchtime.

Next on my list of things was Crockpot Italian Turkey Meatballs from a blog called Skinny Taste.

The first thing I had to do was find out what the difference between a crockpot and a slow cooker was. And the answer is - nothing. Crockpot is apparently a brand of slow cooker and American's seem to use this word to mean a slow cooker generally. Confusion over.

I like the idea of a little preparation and then bashing the tea on before going to work and coming home to a lovely smelling house and a delicious meal waiting for me with no fuss.

I started out following the recipe but in the end just used:

633g turkey mince
1/2 cup of fresh breadcrumbs
1/4 parsley, chopped
1 free range egg
salt and pepper
I would have used garlic but my cloves were slightly shrivelled (!) so didn't bother this time!

For the sauce I simply used:

2 x 500g cartons of passata
mixed herbs
a dash of tabasco sauce
a couple of shakes of Lea & Perrins

I simply combined all the ingredients for the meatballs and gently rolled them into wee balls. Since I wasn't cooking the meatballs until the following day I left them on a baking tray and popped them in the fridge overnight.

In the morning I put all the ingredients for the sauce into the slow cooker and then popped in the meatballs. At first there seemed to be too many meatballs to go into the sauce but it all worked out in the end.

I cooked it on low while I was at work (from 8.30 in the morning until 5.30 at night) and when I came home ate it with some crusty bread. They were tasty and I will make them again.

I got 5 meals out of the batch but probably could get 6 if I had tried harder and eaten less!!

The rest of the meatballs are in the freezer and I'm now looking forward to a meatball sub with the leftovers. Mmm mmm.

I don't have a picture of the finished article but they looked lovely!!

My final recipe for the week was Orange Chicken pinned from The Pursuit of Happiness blog. This is another slow cooker recipe and since I like lemon chicken I thought I would give it a go. Also, the picture from the blog looked delicious (see below).

As before, the recipe was fairly simple but once again 'over the pond' confusion caught me off guard. The recipe called for 6oz frozen concentrated orange juice. Now, I don't keep frozen orange juice and don't tend to use concentrated juice either so I was a little confused if it really was 6oz frozen weight or 6 fluid ounces once defrosted.

I think this led to the downfall of both myself and the recipe as instead I simply poured in enough orange juice to cover the chicken once in the slow cooker.

I cooked it as per instructions and while it didn't taste too bad it was far too sweet for my tastes. A real disappointment.

I have a non-official resolution not to throw out food this year but alas, it had to be done. I tried to wash the chicken (no, really) and use it again as a filling for some vol-au-vents but it still tasted far too cloying and sickly sweet. A thumbs down from me but I have no doubt that I didn't follow the recipe quite correctly as my chicken didn't look much like that above.

So it was a bit of a hit and miss week but I'm glad that I'm trying out new things and not just pinning them and forgetting about them!

Next week I might start on some of the dressmaking and craft projects that I've pinned. Watch this space.

B x

New Year Questionnaire

2012-01-02T14:39:00.001Z

Happy New Year to everyone! Hogmanay/New Year is always a bit anti-climactic for me. I often wish I could just go to bed in one year and it’s the next year when I wake up without any palaver about bells, fireworks or similar.

But anyway, it’s the start of a new year and I love the fresh start and the promise of things to come. I’m probably also one of the few people that love resolutions! With all that in mind I’m going to kick off my blogging for the year by filling in this fun questionnaire.

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?
Hmmm – I don’t actually know. I’ve visited new places and had new experiences so that’s what I’m going to say.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I did really well with my resolutions last year! I lost 2 stone and 2lb (30lbs) and feel that I’m healthier overall. I’m a tiny bit calmer, happier and confident but can always do better which is why I’m making resolutions again this year. I’m also going to add in that I want to start a business this year or just be able to work on my own terms.

3. What countries did you visit?
I visited England and Scotland. That sounds quite boring but 1) I’m not big on travelling and 2) there are so many things in my own country that I have yet to see that it will take forever to explore.

4. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
I would like to have a more positive outlook that turns my dreams into reality.

5. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Erm – not that there weren’t big moments but there are none that are etched on up there.

6. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I am proud of myself for losing weight and being healthier.

7. What was your biggest failure?
Not trying as hard as I could, doubting myself and letting other people dictate how I feel and how I live my life.

8. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I didn’t relapse so that’s a bonus!

9. What was the best thing you bought?
Oh, that’s hard. I love all my books, as always. I have some pretty new clothes and my black glittery shoes. But I’m not sure (or I can’t remember) what my best purchase was.

10. Where did most of your money go?
Most of my money this year went to paying off my debt and then into savings. Yay – look at me all smug!

11. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Oh I get excited about silly little things. Again, losing weight required a happy dance as the scales went down!

12. What song will always remind you of 2011?
I’m not sure if it’s my song of the year but the one that’s always stuck in my head is Moves Like Jagger by Maroon 5. Great song.

13. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?
b) thinner or fatter?
c) richer or poorer?
I’m happier, thinner, and richer. I could be more of all but that’s for next/this year!

14. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Making things, doing things and trying things.

15. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Worried.

16. How did you spend Christmas?
I spent Christmas at my parents’ house with lots of food, presents and laughter. It was wonderful.

17. Did you fall in love in 2011?
Alas, no. Maybe this year.

18. What was your favourite TV program?
As always I liked The Big Bang Theory. I also very much enjoyed Hawaii 5-0. And my guilty (embarrassing) pleasure was Made in Chelsea.

19. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Not really. There are a few new names on my hit list but I pretty much dislike the same people as last year! ;)

20. What was the best book you read?
There are too many to even remember the books that I read and enjoyed this year. Julie James is a new author that I adore and all the books of hers from last year were a joy to read.

21. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I don’t tend to get into artists – just songs. There were lots of songs that I liked but no artist that was a great discovery for me.

22. What did you want and get?
I wanted to get fitter and I got it. Actually, I earned it…

23. What did you want and not get?
I wanted many things that I didn’t get. This year I will go out and find them myself!

24. What was your favorite film of this year?
Oh – I don’t know. I don’t think I saw many new films last year so I’ll say Tangled which I got for my Christmas and very much enjoyed. I’m not usually into cartoons which made it all the better.

25. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 29 this year. We went to Culross to visit and for coffee and if memory serves I wasn’t well on the day.

26. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Winning the lottery. Not because I want to be obscenely rich but because money would give me the time to do everything I need to do to follow my dreams. I could also relieve any financial worries of my family.

27. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
My fashion sense went a little more girly, a little more individual and a lot less scruffy!

28. What kept you sane?
Unfortunately, this isn’t a valid question. But truthfully - my parents.

29. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I don’t really fancy anyone famous but feel free to send Michael Buble my way.

30. What political issue stirred you the most?
There were a few but politics aren’t really my thing and not something I spend much time contemplating, if I’m honest.

31. Who did you miss?
My sister.

32. Who was the best new person you met?
No one springs to mind. Sorry to all new people.

33. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.
You have to rely on yourself and don’t spend so much time trying to please everyone else that you forget to please yourself.

All the best for 2012. I'm hoping to blog more this year as I aim to do a lot more. Fingers crossed!

B x

Happy Hogmanay...

2011-12-31T22:45:00.000Z

Well, here we are again at the end of another year. I know that I've been a little bit lax with my blogging but that's par for the course so you can't really hold it against me. I'll try and do better next year!

I thought I would carry on the tradition that I started last year and do a picture look back at the year past.

On the first day of the year we took a walk down Dysart beach.

In April we went to St Andrews Castle and Cathedral. Two places I had never been to before despite working in the town for a couple of years! Oops!

And then in May there was a birthday tea and a trip to Culross (and Anster but I don't have pics for that!)

In July it was sunny (who even remembers what sun and warmth even feel like?) and we popped into South Queensferry. Not sure what for but ice creams were definitely involved!

And then in October (goodness only knows why I don't appear to have done anything between July and October!) I went with Mum, Dad and Rosie to Harrogate stopping at Jedburgh on the way!

And then it was December (yeah, nothing for November either!). We did the German Christmas Market and the Coca Cola lorry and then it was Christmas!

Well, that's been 2011. Hope everyone had a good one and all the best for 2012.

Happy Hogmanay/New Year.

B x

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

2011-12-04T12:19:00.001Z

I love, love, love Christmas!

It's a bit early to be getting so Christmassy - or at least it was when I originally decided to write this blog post. But things stopped me from posting when I had thought of it (namely a cable to get my pictures from my camera and I wanted to wait until my new template was on my blog - thanks mum - it looks fab!).

So, now I will share a few photos of things beginning to look Christmassy in my neck of the woods.

Opening my first box of decorations for the year!

My lovely handmade advent calendar. We had one of these when I was growing up and now I have my own - thanks mum!

This is an arty farty photo that I thought I would try after seeing it done (so much better, I might add) on someone else's blog!

And here's my countdown snowman with the bricks that my dad fixed for me - thanks dad!

Hopefully I'll have more to share before Christmas gets here.

J xx

10 years ago today...

2011-09-11T12:42:00.000+01:00

Ten years ago today started off as such a normal day that I can't even remember the mundane details of it. What I do know is that I was home from university and trying to find a place to stay for my next year. Trying to find a flat in Glasgow or a room to rent was turning out to be a mammoth task.

And then we got a phone call.

My sister was at work in Edinburgh and she had heard the most unbelievable story on the news. My mum and I quickly turned on the TV - CNN - and watched the events unfold.

All I remember is that we stood there, holding each other as we watched. And sobbed.

I can still see what I saw and hear what I heard if I close my eyes. I can't even begin to imagine what it must have been like to be there or to know that your loved ones were there.

Ten years ago today the world changed.

I didn't know anyone who lost their lives in the Twin Towers, the Pentagon or in Pennsylvania. But I will never forget them or the courage that they had and my thoughts and prayers are with them and their families.

B x

Stolen Questions...

2011-08-09T21:48:00.001+01:00

I do love a good questionnaire and when I find it on someone else's blog (thanks, mum!) then I can just move it over to mine, answer the questions and keep my blog ticking over.

Here we go...

What is bothering you right now?
Work is bothering me a little bit and I'm anxious about my future. Heavy! Oh, and the fact that there is a large spider who has made his web on my outside light and it keeps on switching on. Grrr.

Do you like celebrity magazines?
Nope. Their lives mean nothing to me - my world is small and rich.

When was the last time you were ill?
It depends what you consider "ill". Having ulcerative colitis means that I often don't feel great and can sometimes feel really tired but it's so normal to me that I couldn't even tell you.

Who owns you?
I own myself.

One place you’d love to visit?
I'd love to go to Austria, Norway, Italy and Paris. And I really love to visit more of Ireland than I've already seen.

Did you skip school?
A couple of times. But before anyone tattles - my mum already knows!

Ever played an instrument?
I can play the piano, violin (although some would disagree), the kazoo and the guitar.

Favourite alcoholic drink?
I don't drink a lot but I do enjoy pear cider and long vodka.

Do you follow fashion?
Nope. I wear what I like to wear, what looks good and what's comfortable.

What colour are your eyes? Do you like that colour?
Blue with little yellow flecks. And I really do like my eyes.

What is the furthest you have travelled from your home? How far was it?
I've been to Canada and America when I was a nipper so I guess that was there. Not sure how far away it is.

What is the coldest temperatures you have experienced? Where were you?
I live in Scotland and the coldest I can remember it was last year when it hit about -15ºC. But that was an anomoly!

What is the hottest temperatures you have experienced? Where were you?
Probably in Florida when I was younger but no idea how hot it was.

Do you like long train/car journeys?
I like long journeys when it's quiet. Noisy or busy and I just don't like it.

Have you ever considered writing a novel?
Every single day.

Have you ever punched someone in the face?
Probably by accident but not on purpose. I've imagined doing it though!

What is your sense of humour like?
Dirty, dark, ironic and juvenille. I reckon I've got a typical Scottish sense of humour!

Are you a good person?
Some days I'm good. Some days not so much. But at my heart I reckon I'm a good person.

A Crisp Sunday Evening...

2011-07-24T22:11:00.001+01:00

Pure circumstance makes this the second food post in a row. It cannot be assumed from this that I think with my stomach although I will admit that it has been known to be a charge that has been levelled at me many times in the past.

But anyway...

I thought I would try my hand at homemade crisps. I thought it would be healthier to know exactly what was in them and probably would be tastier and so much cheaper, too.

Homemade Crisps

Ingredients:
Vegetable or sunflower oil
1 potato

Slice the potato into paper thin slices (using a food processor is the fastest and easiest way to do this - and it's surprisingly fun, too!). Wash the slices, pat them dry then place in a sandwich bag with approximately 1 tablespoon of oil. Shake the bag so that the oil covers all the potato bits.

Put oil onto a dinner plate and smear it around so the whole plate is well covered. Place the potato slices onto the plate in a single layer and put in the microwave. Microwave for about 4 minutes (in an 800w microwave) until browned. If the slices aren't brown then put them back in for longer because only the brown ones will be crispy.

Leave to cool if you can wait that long because these are delicious!

They will probably stick to the plate but they come off quite easily if you've oiled the plate well. You shouldn't need to put any more oil on the plate after the first lot.

Enjoy!

Not Cross Buns

2011-06-30T20:01:00.003+01:00

I was hankering after Hot Cross Buns the other day but seeing as it's not Easter - none were to be found! There's also the problem that I don't particularly like the dried fruit in the buns. So I decided to make my own. So here's the recipe for Not Cross Buns. Of course, there are crosses on them but Not Cross Buns sounds so much better than Hot Cross Buns but without the dried fruit!

Not Cross Buns

500g pack of white bread mix (one of those wee packets that you put in your breadmaker)
50g castor sugar
1tbsp mixed spice
85g butter
250ml milk1 egg, beaten
100g plain flour (for the crosses)
2tbsp syrup (as a glaze)

Tip the bread mix into a bowl and mix in the sugar and mixed spice. Melt the butter in a pan and then stir in the milk. Pour this mixture, along with the beaten egg, into the dry ingredients and combine. Spoon is fine, hands are better! Once combined move it onto the unit top and knead for about 5 minutes until it's smooth. Put it back in the bowl and cover with cling film or a tea towel and leave in a warm place for 30 minutes or until the mixture has doubled in size.

Split the dough into 12 equal pieces (the easiest way I found was to half it then half the halves etc until you have 12 pieces) and roll them into balls. Place the balls onto a greased baking tray about 2-3cm apart.

Cover with oiled cling film and leave to rise again until the buns are touching and the dough feels pillowy to touch.

Turn the over to 180c (GM 4).

In a bowl mix the flour with 6tbsps of water to make a smooth paste. I needed to use a little more water to get the smoothness I wanted but it's about 6tbsps. Put it in a piping bag (or a sandwich bag with the corner snipped off) and pipe crosses over the buns. I found it easier to trail the paste across all the buns at once to make one long continuous cross.

Put in the oven and bake for about 15-20 minutes until golden.

Leave to cool for a few minutes before transferring them to a rack. Heat the syrup in a pan until melted and then brush over the warm buns. Leave to cool if you can wait that long.

Keep for a good while in an airtight container but can't be frozen. The sticky glaze also seems to lessen over time but they can be thrown back in the oven for a re-heat if desired.

Hope you non-fruities enjoy as much as I did!

B xx

Woodland Wilfs

2011-05-07T11:32:00.006+01:00

My garden is still taking shape although, if I'm honest, I'm not sure that 5 plants, 3 herbs, grass and a whirly gig really constitues a garden! But it's getting there.

That doesn't stop me from buying or aquiring little gnomes for my garden! One day I'll maybe even have more plants than I do gnomes!

Oh and here's my bee house for solitary bees to live in while visiting my garden.

A Year in Pictures!

2010-12-31T11:22:00.009Z

Well, we've got a very small amount of 2010 left so I guess it's about time that we did a wee overview of the year that has passed.

New Lanark
In February we went to New Lanark, a restored 18th century cotton mill and workers' village.

The Steam Train Cometh
In April the boys got excited about the steam train passing the house.

Melrose Abbey
Another April event, this time to Melrose Abbey in the borders complete with the biggest cream scone the world has ever seen! And yes, I ate it all!

Abbotsford
And next to Abbotsford House - home of Sir Walter Scott. Or at least it used to be his home. Let's hope it's not his home any more!

A very merry birthday, to me!
May was my birthday but I had to share my birthday tea with other May-ites! My wii tells me that I was 22. Happy with that.

More Mills
What is it with us and mills? Here we are in May at Stanley Mills.

Josie, Josie, not so dosie - how does your garden grow?
My first full year as an Alan Titchmarsh wannabe - my garden came along really well and I had some delicious produce for my garden. Bring on the hens!

There's some juice, loose aboot this hoose!
And of course, the ongoing DIY/GDTDI (get Dad to do it) project that is my house.

Go Forth!
In August, I ticked an item off my life 'to do' list when I walked across the Forth Road Bridge.

Where? Traquair!
September took us to Robert Smail's Printing Works (where I didn't manage to get any pictures) and Traquair House.

Watch out for the arrows...
York was the destination of choice for a long weekend (during the week) for me and mum. A number of people commented on the law that still stands allowing you to shoot a Scot with a bow and arrow inside the city walls. Slightly unnerving that.

And then there was snow...
And more snow and more snow and more snow.

And finally it was Christmas!
I love Christmas!

And just to finish off we have Rosie, Mum and Dad and a pretty picture of the park beside my house.

Hope everyone had a great 2010 and all the best for 2011! Happy Hogmanay!

B xx

Christmas Questions

2010-12-30T17:21:00.005Z

Right – Merry Christmas to one and all. I’m a wee bit late but we’ll just pretend that I got held up with the snow and that gives me a good excuse and makes me able to be forgiven. We’ll conveniently forget that before this I hadn’t blogged since September and there wasn’t any snow then. Oh well…

I can be pulled from blog silence with a good questionnaire and mum had this one on her blog so I had to steal it.

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?

Definitely wrapping paper and a whole roll of selotape per parcel. Gift bags are a tool of the lazy wrapper!

2. Real tree or Artificial?

Personally I have a wee artificial one but I have grand future plans for a real tree.

3. When do you put up the tree?

Usually around the 5th or 6th of December.

4. When do you take the tree down?

This year it was the 29th (yesterday). I like a fresh start for January so the tree and all the decorations must be away by Hogmanay.

5. Favourite gift received as a child?

Oooh – I don’t know. I like everything! I do have a fond memory of my first ever Russian Dolls but since I got them for my (13th) birthday I don’t think they count for the purposes of this questionnaire!

6. Hardest person to buy for?

I don’t have problems buying presents. I love trying to find things that I feel the person will love and enjoy. That’s why I start as early as possible!

7. Easiest person to buy for?

As above. But in truth, it’s probably me!

8. Mail or email Christmas cards?

Mail. Email cards are just a waste of time and I normally LOVE email.

9. Favourite Christmas Movie?

Oooh – I love a good Christmas movie. But my favourites are probably Miracle on 34th Street (1994 version) and White Christmas.

10. When do you start shopping for Christmas?

Around September. I do then tend to stop and then finish up around November or December.

11. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?

I don’t think so.

12. Favourite thing to eat at Christmas?

The Christmas meal is the best – especially the chipolatas! I also do like the sweeties, starter, soups, puddings…

13. Lights on the tree (colored or clear)?

Coloured.

14. Favourite Christmas song?

I like them all. If I had to choose I would probably go for All I Want for Christmas, or Let it Snow, or Troika, or Silent Night. Oh I don’t know!

15. Travel at Christmas or stay home?

Without a doubt stay at home.

16. Angel, star or ribbon on top of tree?

My pretty little angel that my mum and dad bought me. She’s very special.

17. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning?

On Christmas Day in the morning. Who opens their presents on Christmas Eve? Santa hasn’t been yet!

18. Most annoying thing about this time of the year?

Having to go into town to buy things – Christmas shoppers are pure evil – internet shopping is the way to go! Oh and I’m not fond of bah humbugs. And I don't like the fact that you just need to look at Christmas food and you're two stone heavier!

19. What do you want for Christmas this year?

Christmas has past and I got everything I wanted! :D

20. Traditional colors (red and green) or other colors?

I like traditional colours. Actually, I like all colours all over the place. Christmas isn’t stylish in my house!

Everyone’s a winner

2010-09-11T08:34:00.002+01:00

Anyone that knows me is well aware of my love for all things Christmas. With the weather turning colder, it made me think of all things festive and I decided to start some Christmas shopping early to both spread the cost and be more organised.

I’ve already bought a few smaller gifts but Dad and I had a confab and decided that Mum would appreciate a dressmaker’s dummy for her Christmas. She’d been looking at them online and had even made me enter a competition to win one, so desperate was she to own one.

So it didn’t take much imaginative thinking to know that this would be the present for her.

We duly ordered the dummy. After much deliberation and strategy, we decided the dummy should be sent to mum and dad’s house rather than mine and dad was detailed to intercept any door knocks and he even had a lovely tale to spin to throw mum off the scent of what was arriving at her door.

And then we realised that it was a bank holiday in England meaning that our carefully laid plans would be out by a day and the package would be late in arriving. To make matters worse, Dad would no longer be in the day we suspected the dummy would arrive.

Full of optimism, we decided not to worry. The package would surely arrive while mum was at the swimming pool and I could simply go and collect it without mum being any wiser. I went to work the day the package was due to arrive and thought no more of it.

Until…

Just after lunch I received a phone call at work from a breathless, babbling, mum who started screaming down the phone, “You’ve won! You’ve won! Did you know you’d won? Why didn’t you tell me you’d won? I can’t believe it! It’s so exciting!”. To get a more realistic flavour to this conversation, you have to imagine all that being said without any breathing and at the decibel level of a high pitched jumbo jet!

Not quite sure what was going on, I asked her to explain.

“A dummy! A dummy!” She excitedly cried.

I was beginning to agree.

“You’ve won a dummy!”

That’s when the penny dropped and there was a beat of shocked silence. The dummy had arrived and it hadn’t been in a blank box but it’s own cardboard box with a giant picture of a dressmaker’s dummy on the outside. Subtle it was not.

“No”, says I, “that was your Christmas present.”

There was another beat of silence and then mum started to laugh. She was laughing uncontrollably as she realised her error. Rosie started barking, wolves starting baying, birds took to wing as mum laughed. She laughed so hard she could barely breathe. I had to laugh too but since I was at work and my colleagues were already looking at me strangely, it was more of a low key laugh punctuated with the kind of snorts you get when you’re trying to conceal laughter.

So my best laid plans were scuppered.

Dad and I tried to steal the dummy away to be given at Christmas but being a sewer, mum has access to many sharp implements and we decided it was safer not to go down that road.

Dad, being the softie that he is, decided to give mum the dummy for their anniversary which is next week. In the manner of big softies, he let mum open up the box well before the anniversary has arrived and it now sits pride of place in her sewing room.

Personally, I’m not sure how mum is going to be able to use the dummy as whenever she sees it she gets the giggles. And there’s now the big question of what else we’re going to get mum for her Christmas.

Oh well, at least I have 105 days and 23 minutes to think of something else.

Erm, are you following me?

2010-08-17T07:50:00.001+01:00

I’m a wee bit late in relating this tale but it’s more for the fact that since the event I’ve been forever looking over my shoulder, rather than any laziness or apathy on my part.

No, really.

So, my tale starts like all good stories do with a holiday, a half loaf of bread, a dog in need of a walk and some unseasonably warm weather. Oh, and an assortment of almost 30 birds of varying colours, breeds, sizes and temperaments.

Housesitting a dog, while not working, while the weather was, as mentioned, unseasonably warm, I realised that Rosie needed a walk and that I had a half loaf of bread that I was fairly certain I wasn’t going to eat. Perfect solution – we would talk a trip to the big park in town that is complete with a HUGE lake filled with pretty ducks and swans.

Off I trotted, bag of bread in one hand, dog lead in the other. We reached the lake and I was all aquiver with the thought of my good deed of feeding the ducks. I spotted a couple of likely candidates and we headed towards them as they swam under the tree. No – that sounds like they swam away from us and tried to hide while infact they were already under the tree and swimming around when we started to head their way.

Anyway – having neglected to tear the bread into pieces before I got to the park, I tried to mush the bread into some semblance of the kind of size that a duck could feasibly swallow. I threw pieces to the two ducks until Rosie got bored and decided that we should head further around the lake.

As it is pertinent to my story, I should point out that Rosie’s biggest attributes are her cuteness and cuddliness and not her wily fighting spirit and ability to intimidate. Trust me, you should remember this as my own failure to remember led me into the trouble that I am about to recount.

There was a pretty albino duck paddling about the dock where you hire the boats that look like freakishly large swans. But…the man was towing the freaky boats from the island to the dock for the days rowing and he was looking at the over exuberant duck feeder and her apathetic (but very cute) dog with mild disdain. So I didn’t bother.

Way round the corner of the lake sat another 5 or 10 ducks and we headed their way. The park is slightly more open at this point so you get a nice, clear vantage over the island in the middle, the swan boats, the disdainful park worker and the birds at the other end of the lake.

Rosie decided to sniff the grass so I reached into the bag to take some more pieces of bread for the larger group of ducks. While doing so, I managed to puncture the bag of bread right in the bottom corner. I still managed to grab a handful of bread, chucked it to the water and attempted to keep the bread from spilling out by clutching it to my chest with the hand not attempting to stop Rosie from wandering as far away from the lake as she possibly could. In doing this, I was gazing at the bag of bread and missed the scene that would probably have caused pure terror to make its way to my emotional places. Practically every single bird that was not a duck or swan, suddenly took flight and made a large swoop towards the bit of the lake where I had thrown the bread. Looking up and seeing this menagerie coming towards me I stifled a scream, pulled Rosie and bolted.

Unfortunately, the hole in my bag of bread left a trail and the birds (except the nice ducks and swans) decided to follow my hasty retreat inland.

After running for a bit, breathing heavily, I finally remembered that I was in a public place and it is not becoming of a lady to act in so crazed a manner. Rosie, now looking at me with an expression I can only attribute to “I-told-you-so” trailed along behind me. But at least we were free from the thoosands of birds!

Or so I thought until I heard a strange scratching noise coming from behind me. Startled, I turned to discover the flock of assorted birds following me along the path.

I stopped.

They stopped.

I could swear that one particular rook turned away and started whistling as I looked in his direction. I picked up my pace, turning every now and then to check my escape’s progress. The birds had also speeded up. I was now back to the heavy breathing but luckily there were still no other people around. It was then that I discovered that the hole in the bag of bread was getting bigger and was leading the birds on a trail directly to me. As panic had set in, I decided to run rather than chucking the bag of bread away. I’m sure that some of the birds ran but others took flight, flying from one tree to another when I wasn’t looking.

My ordeal came to an end as I walked to the rose garden and I came across a man with a scary looking dog. The birds took one look at this dog and bolted.

The bread went in the bin and Rosie and I managed to make our escape out of the park.

Next time, I’m going to dress Rosie in a costume befitting a hard dog and then I might not have the same problem. Now I just need to get Mum to fashion up a costume.

Moral of the story. Always check to see if you’re leaving a trail of breadcrumbs and never underestimate the power of birds in very large groups.

And they’re off…

2010-06-13T10:52:00.011+01:00

At this time a year ago Mum and Dad went on holiday to Ireland leaving both myself and Rosie back in rainy Scotland. As well as plumbing in my own dishwasher I started to get broody for a house with a garden. While they were away I visited houses, banks and estate agents leaving them a little bamboozled on their return as I was on the move.

And now here I am! I have my own little house with a garden and this time when Rosie stays with me she’ll be able to gambol about outside whenever she wants rather than having to wait while I got shoes, jacket and (on occasion) clothes on like she would have done when I lived in the flat. (I would like to point out that I'm not planning to go outside naked just because I now have a garden!)

Tomorrow they are off again on holiday, this time to Canada, so I’ll bet they’re wondering what they’re going to come back to!

Anyway, in honour of the fact I now have my own wee garden I took some pics to show you how things are progressing.

When I moved into my house the garden was functional but quite bare.

I have dreams of a grand, romantic, country garden so the first thing to do was get some plants. Most of the ones I have I either bought or have managed to get from family and friends although I did raise the sweet peas from seed.

Here are my favourite, daisies (such a friendly flower), and my sweet peas that are still quite small.

And here is my lovely Pieris Japonica (I think!) and a purple flower that granny gave me.

I also have steps coming down from my back door where I keep my herbs. Here we have some lemon balm (which has the most amazing smell ever!), some curly parsley, marjoram and some rather pathetic looking chives.

I'm also really excited as I now have the opportunity to grow my own fruit and veg. Things seem to be going well so far and hopefully come autumn I'll be able to eat loads of my own produce.

Here we have my rhubarb patch, some beetroot and cauliflowers and then my strawberries (which I've already tasted and are delicious!)

And here we have some young leeks and my french beans which are growing up canes that are supposed to be in the shape of a pyramid!

I also have some peas which are just starting to appear and some courgettes. The stuff around the courgettes is crushed egg shells which I'm using to ward away the evil slugs!

And finally we have Brussells Sprouts (which I love and can't wait until Christmas to eat!) and some tomatoes and peppers. These are actually the surplus tomatoes - I have so many others that I think I'll be eating tomatoes until well into 2011!

And that's my garden!

Cheerio to my mum and dad. Safe trip and I promise that I won't get into mischief while you're away!

Actually, no I don't!

B x

The blogger returneth

2010-06-12T18:12:00.003+01:00

It’s been almost 4 months since I last blogged and 5 months since I put up the first set of these questions. I did have something funner (yes, funner) to write but I can’t seem to get the pics off my camera so you’ll have to wait and put up with my answers to the following questions.

31. What's your favourite colour?

Blue. When I was younger it was orange but I was an exceptionally strange child so I hope you’ll forgive me.

32. What is your favourite animal?

Dogs. I also like bees but I wouldn’t let one lick my face.

33. Are you afraid of the dark?

No. I’m afraid of what’s lurking in it.

34. Is there something lacking in your life right now?

Money. Carpets. Food. Rafael Nadal.

35. What do you miss about childhood?

My family being all together.

36. How many times did it take you to pass your driving test?

It took me one time but on three separate occasions.

37. How many kids do you want?

At the moment none. I’ll decide later whether I want any but if I decide to have any then I only want good, polite ones that are quiet and angelic. Much like I was as a child! ;)

38. Are you a good painter?

Are we talking walls or pictures? I can paint walls like a demon but my pictures would be reminiscent of a 5 year old child’s.

39. Can you cook?

Darn tootin’. I make a mean lasagne.

40. Are you a cheapskate?

I can be – it’s an illness. The only cure is to go to the garden centre or book shop.

41. What would you do with a million pounds?

I’d pay off my mortgage and all my bills. Then I would renovate my house and buy carpets. Then I would start my own wee bookshop. Oh, and buy a dog! Oh, and throw some money the way of Amazon’s book department. And I wonder how much it would cost to buy Rafael Nadal? Hmmm.

42. Have you been to Disney World?

Yes, when I was 9.

43. How many days a month are you online?

Every day. I don’t understand how you couldn’t be online every day. Wouldn’t you collapse or something?

44. Last time you went bowling?

Erm. I went wii bowling a couple of days ago. Proper bowling? It wasn’t that long ago so I’ll say sometime in the last couple of years. Actually, that is quite a long time ago!!

45. Hot or cold weather?

I like the thought of both but let’s just choose warm!

46. How many pairs of shoes do you have?

More than the number of feet I have and less than the number of smarties that would fit inside a boeing 747.

47. Are you a shop-a-holic?

Not really. Perhaps if I had a million pounds…

48. Where were you yesterday at 10.30?

At 10.30am I was at work and at 10.30pm I was driving home.

49. Are you afraid of the dentist?

Not really. Why? Is he evil?

50. Were you bored or entertained by this survey?

If I was bored I wouldn’t have done it but I wasn’t exactly rippling with excitement either. So, neither!

How fabulous...

2010-02-17T17:47:00.003Z

On Monday mum put up this post.

Jealousy ensued because I always covet things that I do not have and cannot attain! ;)

But then my lovely mum told me she would happily (or grudgingly - who really knows?) make me a new theme for my own blog. On asking what I would like, the first thing that came to mind was buttons.

The reason for this was that when I was little we had a story book with many different short stories inside. There were also lots of pictures. My particular favourite story was of a little girl who was bored one day. Seeing this, her mum gave her a big box of mixed buttons. At first the little girl didn't understand but then she started to pretend. First she was a princess and the buttons were her jewels and then she was a pirate with her booty of buttons and so on and so forth. I loved the story because my mummy had a lot of buttons, I had a huge imagination myself and because the story was called...

..Joanna's Buttons.

So here is my fabulous new blog theme. Enjoy!

And a big thank you to my mama - she's so talented!

B x

A question?

2010-01-23T23:10:00.001Z

Nothing is more fun to me than a quiz full of random questions. I also quite enjoy it when mum puts them on her blog first so that all I need to do is copy the questions and change the answers. Yay!

1. Where is your cell phone?
My mobile phone is, erm, probably on my bed. I like the phone but I can’t be bothered with phones as a method of communication (I don’t like verbal communication very much!) so I don’t usually know where it is!

2. Your hair?
Is so annoying. I was going to grow it long but the curls are making it impossible so I have an appointment to get it all lopped off!

3. Your mother?
Is who I stole this quiz from. Fanks, mama!

4. Your father?
I also steal stuff from him. Thanks to you too, dad!

5. Your favourite food?
Apples, chocolate, cheese, potatoes – not all at the same time.

6. Your dream last night?
I dreamt I had cleaned my room. I woke up this morning really peeved because it was all in my imagination!

7. Your favourite drink?
Alcoholic – I like pear cider and long vodka. Non-alcoholic I like cold water, anything with mango in it, mum’s orange juice (and irn bru and coke even though I’m not allowed them!)

8. Your dream/goal?
To have my own little bookshop. To have a dog and get my house and garden finished.

9. What room are you in?
My living room.

10. Your hobby?
Reading, writing, gardening (soon), rugby (watching, not playing), films and I like walking – is that a hobby?

11. Your fear?
Failure.

12. Where do you want to be in 6 years?
In my wee bookshop with my dog and hopefully a handsome, rich man.

13. Where were you last night?
I was in my bed. Insomnia caught up with me and I was asleep from 9pm.

14. Something that you aren’t?
Rafael Nadal. Warm. Tidy. Pregnant.

15. Muffins?
That would be lovely, thank you.

16. Wish list item?
Goodness – how much time do you have? About 100 books, 3 gnomes, some red kitchen equipment, a telly, a wii and some batteries.

17. Where did you grow up?
Kirkcaldy and Inversnecky

18. Last thing you did?
I discussed my bathroom with my dad.

19. What are you wearing?
Jeans, 3 jumpers, a scarf and Fagin’s fingerless gloves. I’m cold.

20. Your TV?
Is currently tuned to Eurosport. I’m watching the European Figure Skating Champs.

21. Your pets?
Rosie’s not mine but she’s currently asleep on my couch.

22. Friends?
A few. I’m all for quality not quantity.

23. Your life?
Could be better but I’m working on it!

24. Your mood?
Cold. I realise that’s not necessarily a mood but I’m not feeling too well so that’s all you’re getting!

25.Vehicle?
A blue Ford Focus Zetec called Fizzy.

26. Last movie watched?
Erm – probably the Proposal. I can’t really remember to be honest.

27. Something you’re not wearing?
Glasses. Leg warmers. A See You Jimmy hat.

28. Your favourite store?
Without a doubt it’s Amazon.co.uk!

29. Your favourite color?
Blue.

30. When was the last time you laughed?
Oh I love laughing. If I’m honest I laugh (guiltily) when I think about pulling the doorknob off the door to a nameless radio station.

31. Last time you cried?
I’m big on crying but my last proper cry was probably yesterday because I wasn’t feeling well!

32. Your best friend?
My family.

33. One place that I go to over and over?
The loo. Ulcerative Colitis is nothing if not predictable!

34. Who e-mails me regularly?
Mum, Dad, Debbie and Amazon.

35. Favourite place to eat?
I like eating at home and at my mum and dad’s. If I had to choose an actual restaurant then I’d choose La Gondola. Yum!

I actually filled this in the other day and since then I’ve cried at something else, laughed at something else, I’m wearing something else, I’m in a different room than I originally stated and I actually am Rafael Nadal!

This is the voice of doom calling…

2010-01-21T18:19:00.002Z

Today was a fairly regular day at work, the only unusual thing being the fact that I was wearing a skirt that swirls when you turn and a pair of boots that make your feet ache when you or anyone else looks at them. There I was, looking as swish as you can for only having 10 minutes to get myself from jammies to work-wear (don’t feel sorry for me – I had 11 hours sleep last night and felt like I could have done with 11 more!) when the Voice of Doom called.

I’m not going to mention his name because he really is a lovely man but this man, the said Voice of Doom, is from a radio station and he asked me to come up to the studios to do a radio interview based on my job. I should have expected this being that it’s actually what I do for a living but the fact of the matter is that I’m much more at home with the office based, not talking to anyone portion of my work. I tried to get out of it as subtly as possible which didn’t quite work because I was shivering, pale and lying in a heap on the floor wailing and flailing my arms about! Unfortunately, my boss got the impression that I wasn’t too keen, decided that must mean I needed the practice and sent me on my merry way off to the radio studios.

Having worked in the village where the radio station is based, I wasn’t worried about the drive to the building, finding a place to park or getting through the door once there. You might think it strange that a person would worry about such a thing but believe me, if I’m going to worry about things I don’t see any reason not to go full tilt and worry about everything that I can possibly think of. It’s not a bad tack to take as I once had to enter a building and was told beforehand to put my hand through the letterbox, move it up and to the right and unlatch the door chain. I didn’t worry and low and behold I put my hand through and got stuck. Not only that but if I recall correctly (and believe me, I try not to) I was stuck slightly bent over, bum towards the street, hand inside a letterbox, pained grimace on my face on the busiest street in one of Scotland’s 5 major cities. Good times!

So, I had nothing to worry about other than the interview. And the fact that fear and panic had put me off my food and the only thing I’d had to eat for lunch was half a bag of crisps! Luckily it was radio and not television so no-one would have been able to call me a liar when I attested that the ferocious growl halfway through the interview had in fact been a tiger on day release from the local zoo rather than my stomach. Luckily there were no tigers in the room because my stomach growls would scare the poor beast half to death and he would be have been shaking profusely as he ate me for his lunch.

That was how I found myself in the recording studio – minus the tiger part, naturally. The Voice of Doom asked me if I wanted a water and I told him no, a gin would do just fine. He got me water.

He must have assumed I was joking.

I was not.

Sitting in a chair in a recording studio with a mike in your face was enough to make me hyperventilate. “Just be calm” says the VoD. Be calm? I would have been calm if he’d only done what he was told and brought me a bl00dy gin! Or perhaps if there was even the slim chance that a tiger would burst into the room and put me out my misery. Then, all smiles he launched into the interview with the question: The divorce rate has increased in January over the previous months of the year, what are the reasons for this and what are the exact statistics.

I think the appropriate term for what followed is: radio silence.

I managed to hedge out an answer but then another problem presented itself. When I’m scared I usually forget to breathe. Not good on so many levels.

As he kept on asking me questions I started to realise that without oxygen I only had a couple more minutes before I passed out. As appealing as this sounded, I don’t think my boss would have looked too kindly on me flailing about on the floor twice in one day. Unfortunately breathing resulted in a huge gulp of air and I don’t think anyone would have believed that there was an oversized, out of water fish in the studio with me.

My other problem is with words. When I write them, I can rearrange them in an order than makes sense. When I have to speak them, they all clamour inside my brain shouting “pick me” “pick me”. And with no other option, I listen to them and they all spill forth, randomly connecting with a few verbs to make an elaborate sentence that makes as little sense as is humanly possible.

Thus ended my radio career. I babbled about inviting us back at any time and the VoD nodded pityingly. I left the studio, went out the door and the heavy metal door handle came off in my hand.

No really.

Not knowing what to do and refusing to show my face again, this time clutching a torn off door handle, I hastily attempted to shove it back on, rushed outside and drove off as speedily as humanly (and legally!) possible. At least I hadn’t shoved it into my bag and done a runner!

So the moral of the story is: always have a plan for getting into and out of a building as no matter how bad things are inside, the door handle could always fall off as you leave.

B x

And I'm back...

2010-01-06T22:09:00.002Z

If there’s one thing that’s guaranteed to drag me out of my blogging drought then it’s a list of random questions to answer. It’s like a moth to a flame! And even better if I’m stealing them from mum’s blog which is what I’m doing right now.

New year – same old me!

So here we go…

1. Are you wearing a hat?
I’m lying in my bed as I type this – but that means very little because I am wearing gloves, leggings and two pairs of socks. No hat though!

2. Bottled water?
Nope – from the tap is just fine, thanks.

3. Do you have a crush on someone right now?
Unfortunately, no.

4. What kind of computer do you have?
A MacBook.

5. Do you prefer writing in pen or pencil?
It depends on my mood. I like ‘em all!

6. Who was the last message in your inbox from?
My friend Laura.

7. What's your favourite season?
I like winter in the summer and summer in the winter. Autumn and spring aren’t too shabby either, though.

8. Does your best friend have a girlfriend or boyfriend?
I don’t have a best friend – I spread the love around!

9. Do you like tea?
When I’m cold or unwell, yes!

10. Favourite radio station?
Forth One is the one that I listen to so I’ll say that one.

11. Type your name into Google - what's the first site that appears?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joanna - it’s quite interesting!

12. What's your favourite song at the moment?
I like Paolo Nutini’s Pencil Full of Lead, Michael Buble’s Haven’t Met You Yet, Snow Patrol’s Just Say Yes and Kings of Leon’s Use Somebody.

13. Coke or pepsi?
Definitely Coke. Pepsi is the drink of the devil.

14. Favourite subject in school?
English.

15. Last concert?
It was either Mum’s concert or, erm, maybe the Proclaimers? Or was it Boyzone? Hmmm. No wait – I went to T in the Park so the last band I saw was Snow Patrol.

16. Next concert?
I will be going to see Mum again and who knows what band.

17. Last magazine you bought?
Actually bought? No idea.

18. Last book you read?
A lovely, happy romance novel.

19. Do you prefer cats or dogs?
Dogs. I firmly believe that Cat’s are Satan’s minions. They probably drink Pepsi too.

20. Is there someone you want to punch right now?
Not really. As I mentioned, I’m tucked up in bed and it would take too much effort to get up. Plus, it’s snowing. So no.

21. Favourite sport to watch/take part in?
I like tennis and rugby to watch. To take part in – as little as possible!

22. Country you most want to visit?
I’d like to do some more exploring of Ireland and France.

23. Are you a Blogger addict?
Not so much. I am woefully undedicated when it comes to my own blog and only read a few others regularly.

24. When do you shower?
Slightly odd question. I shower before work.

25. What's your dream job?
Either a bookshop owner or a writer. Or perhaps being the all knowing, all powerful leader of the world.

26. What kind of car do you drive?
A blue Ford Fiesta Zetec named Fizzy. Poor thing’s out in the cold right now.

27. What word in the dictionary best describes you?
Individual. Or maybe odd. Or cookie. Or...

28. What's your blog address?
Erm…

29. Worst TV show at the moment?
Gavin and Stacey – how stupid does that look? Honestly.

30. Are you a better talker or listener?
I can talk for Scotland but I also listen, especially when people don’t expect me to be!

Ah – feel better now that that’s completed.

Toodles,

Bx

Holidays a comin…

2009-11-29T16:38:00.000Z

Gosh, it’s been absolutely months since I last took the time to blog.

So…what could have inspired me to put fingers to keyboard and write again?

Deciding to sell my flat during a recession?

Eventually managing to get it sold?

Buying my own little house complete with garden?

Living without heating when the cold spell comes?

My sister coming home from Canadia with her fella?

Well no actually.

I was minding my business (freezing my socks off) and watching the telly on a Saturday night, thinking I might get a cold when the following appeared on the telly:

Click me!

That means it truly is nearly Christmas.

Yippee!!!

J x

A right plum tale

2009-08-23T20:02:00.003+01:00

It was the rainy day before a dark and rainy night when my wretched tale of sorrow begins.

I had, along with my mum and dad, gone, as is our wont, to my Granny’s house for afternoon snack and a blether. The topic of conversation turned to gardening and more particularly to the care and maintenance of larger fruit trees. I myself was considering purchasing a fruit tree for my (soon to be) garden but wanted to make sure that the fruit didn’t taste like, well, shit, before I parted with my pennies.

Granny assured me that the fruit tasted okay and offered to share some of the fruit with me so I could be reassured that all would be well.

She gave me two plums.

And that’s when my problems started.

I managed to transport the plums without too much of an issue from Granny’s house to mum and dad’s house – where I go each weekend to eat them out of house and home, steal their electricity and generally tread the fine line between being welcome and being turfed out on my rear! The plums managed the journey tucked away in the pocket of a fluffy jacket. Regardless, they were fine and dandy by the time they arrived and sat on the shelf next to my bag, ready to go home after I’d had my tea.

After said tea, I packed up and headed home, my four bags (1 handbag, 1 computer, 1 bag of clothes and 1 of food [including plums]) fitting into my overstuffed car with nary a problem.

There didn’t seem to be much of a problem as I gathered the bags and got out my car and down the close that leads to the stairs that lead to my front door. Once inside the close (which isn’t lit – and I’ll once again draw your attention to the fact it was a dark and rainy night) I realised I didn’t have my keys out. Not wanting to be stuck outside, in the rain, outside my door scrabbling for my keys, I tried to get them from my handbag. With all the other bags in the way, this seemed like a feat of impossibility. Nevertheless I managed, after a bit of contortion, to get my keys out my bag and in my hand. I took a step forward and…stood on something to the detriment of its existence.

Looking down in horror I expected to see a large beetle, a rogue keyring or perhaps a small Chihuahua. Alas no – it was indeed one of the plums from Granny. I’ll admit that I uttered the swear word and even put an ‘e’ on the end of it!

With nothing to do but mourn for the plum (and wonder if plum juice can be easily removed from white, cloth shoes) I continued my journey and managed to climb the stairs and into the flat. Then, needing to relate my tale of abject woe to someone, I phoned mum and dad.

While on the phone, I went to stand and look out my window onto the street below. I was relating the terrible tale when I looked out to the road beside my car and what should I see but the other plum lying smack in the middle of the road. Taunting me!

I could barely speak with shock and had to quickly end my phone call, dash out into the dark and rainy night and retrieve the plum before it was a) driven over, b) stolen by a neighbourhood cat or one of my neighbours or c) rolled down the hill into the sea, never to be seen again.

I now have the plum in my kitchen. The jacket fluff, concrete, rain and random road dirt have been brushed off. Somehow I’m pretty sure that despite what Granny says, these plums are gonna taste like crap!

B x

A lotta bits and bobs

2009-08-09T17:56:00.002+01:00

It’s hard to continue on and blog after the last entry but I guess it has to be done. Rather than having only one subject in mind, I’ll just ramble for a wee while about a whole host of stuff.

The first thing is that I cleaned out my wardrobe. This may not seem like a big deal but of late I was having problems when opening the wardrobe. Not actually opening the doors but when you dared to do so, the mountain of clothing that was piled into the wardrobe invariably poured onto you encasing you in skirts, tops, trousers for the foreseeable future. It was entirely vexing! So, mum offered to help me rid myself of the clothes that no longer fitted me, that went out of style in 1986 and that I had picked up from who knows where. To cut a long story short, I now have about half the clothes that I had before and I can actually open my wardrobe doors without fear of suffocation and I can actually move things along the rails. Not only that – all the things I own now fit me! Imagine that! Thanks for your help/patience/disgust/shock/horror with my clothes, mum! I actually had a fun time and it’s not a par-tay unless someone cries and we both did that!

The next thing I’ve done of late is get hold of my granny’s recipe book to do some stealing! Mum and I just thought it would be nice to make our own recipe books as full as possible and that we could always do with having some of granny’s classic recipes included with our own. So, with the promise of a quick return, today I managed to get the recipe file and have now copied the relevant recipes. There’s something comforting about a recipe book that’s full of notes, stains and things that show it has been used. I just think it’s a lovely way to pass on some memories.

It was Debbie’s birthday the other day (happy birthday by the way!). She’s the ripe old age of 29!!! Ancient! Five other things about the number 29:

• 29 is the tenth prime number
• 29 is the number of years it takes for Saturn to orbit the sun
• 29 is the atomic number of copper
• 29 is the track number that the trains leaves from in Chattanooga Choo Choo by Glenn Miller
• 29 is the highest possible score in cribbage

Another cool thing that happened on Debbie’s birthday was something that probably won’t happen again, or at least not for many years. At 12:34 and 56 seconds on 7th of August 2009 the time was 12:34:56 7.8.9. I thought that was interesting!

Right – I guess that’s all I have to say for now. I’ll try and blog more often but it all depends on whether I have anything interesting to say!

B x

My Uncle Jim

2009-07-18T19:35:00.002+01:00

Life is what you make of it, the old man said to me
But what did I know way back then for I was only three

He told me not what I shouldn’t do but what I should and how
Whatever you want, what you dream of – why not do it now?

Life went on and so did time – dreams got pushed to the back
Then it happened, suddenly, to put life back on track.

Time is precious, life is short – grab it and don’t let go
Love hard, dream long, sing loud, be strong and the happiness will always show.

To my wonderful uncle who had the courage to follow his dreams and his heart – if I manage to live my life half as well as you did, I’ll consider myself truly blessed.

I love you and I’ll miss you.

I have the best mum and dad in the world…

2009-07-02T20:28:00.003+01:00

This isn’t so much a blog but just a chance to show my appreciation for my mum and dad.

All my life they have stood by me, helped me and it’s down to them that I am the person I am today. (So you can blame them! ;) )

This time last year I was really ill and when I wasn’t in work I slept the whole time. One day I got home from work and found that they had been to my flat, cleaned everything up, built up my new flat pack furniture, put home cooked food in my fridge and a hundred other things. I was so thankful for these small things as they meant so much more to me than if they had bought me a new car or something similar. The whole time I was ill and then when I didn’t have a job, I knew I could rely on them and they would keep me safe and sane. I did say thank you but I feel that I could never really get them to understand how much it meant to me or how much I appreciated it and them. If it wasn’t for them, I don’t know what I’d do.

Today I’m feeling pretty wretched. It’s unbearably hot and I’m knackered from being unable to sleep. Around came mum and dad with some food so that I would eat and then mum did my dishes while dad fixed my computer. Despite still feeling tired and hot, suddenly I feel so much better.

So thank you mum and dad – you are the best parents a girl could have!

I love you.

J x

Getting to know you, getting to feel free and eeeeeeezeeeee!

2009-06-29T17:29:00.011+01:00

I've just visited Mum's blog and she, very kindly, has put up a blog entry that I can copy. Perhaps that will stop people from moaning that I haven't blogged in an age! Maybe.

So here we go.

Copy from mum verbatim - the idea of this is you're meant to go to Photobucket dot com and put the thing you want to find into the search box, then copy and paste the image into your post.

Sounds like a plan.

Unfortunately, I've realised that I can't seem to access Photobucket. Google will just have to do!

1. What is your first name? (type your name followed by "name" or "sig" so you don't only get photos of people you don't know)

2. What is your favourite candy?

3. What is your relationship status?

4. Favourite color?

5. Celebrity crush?

6. Favourite band?

7. Favourite movie?

8. Family pets?

Bruiser and Rosie

9. The state you were born in?

10. Your occupation?

11. Describe what you look like

*coming soon*

12. What kind of car do you drive?

13. Hobbies?

Sleeping, rugby, reading, baking... (definitely not in that order!)

14. Favourite TV show?

15. One word to describe you.

A terrible time of it…

2009-06-11T15:27:00.002+01:00

My very first post on this blog was last August, when mum and dad had gone on holiday and I was looking after Rosie. It seems we’ve gone full circle as mum and dad have once again gone off on holiday and Rosie and I are partying up Vladnik style here in rainy Scotland!

Which is a good introduction to today.

This morning the weather was chilly but dry and I went about my business with little problem. Once I returned to my flat I suggested to Rosie that we should go for a walk. She was marked in her enthusiasm so I gave her the option of going to the park or the beach. Expecting one woof for park or two for beach, I was surprised when she answered that perhaps we could do both. It sounded like a decent plan so we got our stuff together (me = jacket, tissues, poo bags, keys, phone, camera. Rosie = a park lead and a beach lead) and headed out.

The first thing that happened was it started to drizzle. Never mind, says I, there’s some blue sky over the park, let us chase it! Rosie gave me what can only be described as a witheringly distrustful look but she decided to carry on. Luckily I had a hood. Rosie has yet to receive her own personal umbrella so she was not as lucky as it started to rain harder.

We got to the park and the rain just kept on coming. If I’m honest, it was getting harder, but don’t tell Rosie that because she might just kill me. The park was fairly quiet (no prizes for guessing why!) and I popped on Rosie’s beach lead which means she is free to roam without me holding on to her at all times. Like a trooper, I started to march down the path towards the beach, passing a bedraggled cyclist on the way. I turned back and there sat Rosie, underneath a large oak tree, flat out refusing to go any further.

I sweetly called to her to come along. Nothing. Well, that’s not true – she shot me the filthiest look which convinced me she was questioning my intellect in trying to drag her down to the beach in the middle of a not so tropical storm. By this time, the cyclist had decided to rest on the bench and had a fabulous view of me as I tried to convince a small, white ball of fluff to come for a walk. I’m bigger – you would think I would win the battle! Rosie couldn’t care less if I was being made to look like an idiot, she just sat, still giving me ‘the look’ and refused to go any further.

Rather than continue on an argument I would very likely lose, I decided to let Rosie have her way. Partly. My next suggestion was to walk through the park, keeping underneath the tree lined paths so that we could avoid the rain.

Reluctantly, Rosie agreed. Then, with impeccable timing, someone decided to open the heavens even more and soon the trees offered us little more protection than if we’d been out in the open with a sign that said ‘soak me’.

You didn’t have to be a mind reader to understand the baleful glances that Rosie kept throwing at me. We backtracked, standing for a while beneath the large tree, studiously attempting to avoid the amused glances of the benched cyclist.

Since the rain didn’t seem to want to stop anytime soon, Rosie and I legged it for home. Luckily Rosie understood that if she stopped (walking in the wet isn’t something she normally does) she would simply get even wetter. Having said that, neither us probably could have physically got any wetter so it wouldn’t have mattered anyway!

On returning home, Rosie became my friend again – simply because I had the towel and a couple of salmon burgers. Because she wasn’t dry after about 10 minutes of the towel, I broke out the hairdryer – she started to enjoy it after a while despite being very wary to begin with.

The funny (I say funny, I mean god-damn annoying) thing is, it’s now glorious sunshine outside and has been ever since we made it back to the flat. Typical.

Because she can’t possibly hate me any more than she currently does – I will show you the pictures of Rosie after a vigorous towel drying. Is it me or does she remind anyone else of Beast from Disney’s Beauty and the Beast – just after he’s had a wash and goes all fluffy?!

That’s all.

B x

Yay for me!

2009-06-07T19:27:00.002+01:00

My new washing machine arrived yesterday. The old one died on me about a month back - more than likely by my own hand as I managed to get both a bra wire and a socky stuck in the drum/pipe!

In my new tradition of being responsible, I went searching for a replacement immediately and finally settled on a pretty Hoover machine with lots of fancy features.

But that's not the point of this blog. The point is that since the machine arrived I have unpacked, plumbed and installed it. Myself!

I'm so proud of me!

It took a while to get things right - identifying which was the cold fill and which was the hot, removing the fixing screws and managing to move the blasted thing! Plus, the instructions said nothing about the drainage pipe so it's lucky I noticed that I really should put it somewhere before starting the thing.

So, it's all hooked up now and I've had it going four times today already! And best of all, there are no leaks and everything is working well. It makes me think I can take on any DIY task that comes my way.

Or maybe not.

B x

Just a t-shirt...

2009-05-21T16:56:00.002+01:00

I saw this today and it made me laugh so hard!

Read this one first:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000NZW3IY/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_dp

Then read this one:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/technology/8061031.stm

Love it!

B x

A bit of a catch up…

2009-05-20T22:18:00.003+01:00

So, since my last blog, a number of things have happened that makes this something of a Johnnie a’thing blog rather than one on a single subject.

Anyway, the first thing that happened was my birthday. My 27th birthday to be precise. I got lots of presents, cards, cake and all manner of lovely things. The worst thing about birthdays, apart from the whole ageing thing, is that you have to pretend that you didn’t expect gifts. You have to say things like “you shouldn’t have” while acting all coy and embarrassed that they indeed did. All the while, everybody knows that the only reason we celebrate birthdays is to get the good, free stuff! If someone doesn’t get you something then they will be crossed off your Christmas card list forever more and banished to the outer recesses of Coventry. I did have a picture of me with my birthday cake but I’m entirely too shiny in the picture and it just won’t do!

Next came a lovely meal with the family – sans the Canadian one, naturally.

On that same day, there happened to be three steam trains passing by our house. This is the sequence of events for the first train (which sadly wasn’t the really cool variety of steam train like Thomas!)

1. The boys wait for the train.

2. The boys get bored waiting for the train.

3. I get bored waiting for the train and take pictures of the garden.

4. The train arrives.

5. The train continues.

6. The train ends.

The day after that was Mum’s birthday. I am now the age that mum was when she had me and she (mum) is the age that her mum was when she (mum) had me too. So, if we were going by past precedent, I should now have two kids and mum should have 5 grandchildren. Ha – better luck next time!

And finally we move to today. This evening mum and I went to see a film called The Young Victoria. I’m not normally into stuff after 1837 (no, really) but this was fabulous! Loved the costumes, loved the story and loved the film. Luckily I don’t have long to wait until it’s out on DVD and would recommend it to everyone that enjoys a good period romance. *Sigh*

Oh well, I suppose that’s me for this blog.

Toodles,

B x

A nice, happy glow...

2009-05-14T21:05:00.001+01:00

I saw this website today and it gave me a nice, happy glow.

http://tweenbots.com/

Enjoy.

B x

Shiny, happy things...

2009-05-10T20:59:00.004+01:00

I’m having one of those days. The kind of day when you feel a little low, a little under the weather and a lot like crying at the drop of a hat. There’s no particular reason that I should feel this way today – I’ve been feeling pleasantly upbeat for a while now and I was beginning to like it. I don’t like feeling like this, so I’ve decided to take a stand – and name some things that make me happy, make me smile or make me giggle like there’s no tomorrow.

• Fluffy things: Rosie, fluffy bugs, toys, blankets etc

• Family

• Romance Books

• Silliness: see Mum’s blog for a perfect example

• Funny memories: I remember when I was convinced I was being followed. I was walking, minding my own business, when I became aware of a clicking noise behind me. I looked around. Nothing. I walked faster. The clicking noise got faster. I slowed down and the clicking noise slowed down too. A little spooked, I kept going, peering about me like the world’s worst spy with a secret. It wasn’t until much later, in the safety of home that I realised something monumental. I was wearing dungarees and the fastenings were clicking in time with my steps. Total idiot – but still makes me laugh! / Misty running round the swing-ball. / Rosie dangling from the apron strings on the washing line! / Dad being hit in the head with the frisbee!! (ha ha ha ha ha) / Mum sneezing so loudly that you never had to fear getting lost in large supermarkets or shopping centres. No really!

• Music: Although I like all music (mostly!), there’s something about Michael Buble’s ‘Feelin’ Good’ that makes me, well, feel good.

• Shoes: I smile just thinking about my lovely new purple shoes that will break my feet but I’ll never stop loving them!

• Miniature things: For some reason, things that are smaller than usual (coke cans, cakes etc) are just so cute and make me do that weird baby voice thing that I don’t actually do to babies.

• Pencils: Strangely enough – I love pencils. There’s nothing more to the story than that, I’m afraid.

• Words: There are some words that just make me laugh. Hippo, papoose, Doobie (Brothers). I’m giggling so hard about that last one.

So that’s me. I actually do feel better now. I’m now off to watch some TV before bed and hopefully tomorrow will be lovely and sunny and back to positive again!

Cheery pip,

B x

Damn the cows! Damn ALL the cows!

2009-04-23T20:47:00.001+01:00

Before today I had been dairy free for 2 and a half weeks. It’s not the longest I have stuck to one of my extreme diets but I’m quite pleased that I managed to stick at it for a decent length of time. If you’ll notice though, the blog started with ‘before today’ which means that today I slipped off the dairy bandwagon. Or milkfloat if you prefer.

My reasoning was this: on Sunday we decided that it was unlikely that the dairy-free diet was really making a difference to my general health and well-being and so, as it was quite a hassle in certain areas, I would discontinue my dairy-free-ness.

Because I don’t have anything that contains dairy in my house, it isn’t until today that I have found myself in a position to eat something that contains dairy. I was up early (by my reckoning) this morning to drive to St Andrews so my breakfast of two satsumas eaten in the Cosmos Centre carpark wasn’t that fulfilling. Which is why, she says, I had two cups of coffee with milk while I was sanding and painting wood. As a side note I will point out that I was being paid to do this!

After that, we had lunch in the centre at a cost of £1 for homemade lentil soup and a buttered roll. Yes, butter. When I’m bad I go to town!

I didn’t start to feel unwell until I came home at about 4pm and by then I couldn’t stand up straight with the pain in my stomach. Imagine Quasimodo with bunches, white gym shoes and paint speckled hands and you have a pretty accurate picture of me coming back to my flat. Attractive!

I had my tea which was fine but now I’m just sitting here feeling sorry for myself and wondering whether it really is the dairy, whether I’m mentally causing my symptoms or, as Dad suggests, it was a combination of an acidic breakfast, undercooked lentils (even though they weren’t) and the sweet and sour sauce I had for my tea. It’s all very vexing!

Since I’m not likely to find out any time soon, I’m going to damn the cows. Damn ALL the cows! And now I’m off to raid my kitchen because I’m hungry. Figures.

B x

The wrinkle, the fence and a bread bin

2009-04-18T19:46:00.001+01:00

I washed my face the other day (this is not something that happens infrequently, it just happens to be the prelude to my story!) and while I was looking at my freshly scrubbed physog in the mirror I noticed it – a wrinkle!

Despite it being a little disconcerting, I’m not really that bothered about the wrinkle itself – after all, I’ll just call it a laughter line and it’s all good! The problem I had with it was that I was concerned that said wrinkle indicated that I frown quite a lot.

So, still in front of the mirror I started pulling frowny faces trying to determine which particular facial expression caused the wrinkle and as a result needed to be removed from my facial expression repertoire. The wrinkle didn’t incorporate into any of the frowns.

Confused (still not the expression that caused the wrinkle), I tried several different faces until I found the offending expression. Surprise!

That wasn’t an exclamation of shock – the offending expression was surprise. Surprisingly enough, I was surprised because I didn’t think that surprise was a regular feature in my day to day life!

From now on, to make sure my wrinkle doesn’t breed others, I will no longer be surprised by anything. At all. Ever.

Sorted.

My other news this day is that I now have a fence enclosing my garden. It’s fab! If I happen to be venturing near it with my camera I’ll take a picture and blog it!

And now for something completely different – has anyone ever noticed how bloody hard it is to find a nice bread bin? I’m not that demanding in my wants. Initially all it had to be was red. Now, after days of searching, I’m simply looking for anything that stores bread, looks fairly nice and doesn’t cost an arm and a leg. The surprising (dammit) thing is that people obviously spend over £15 on a bread bin. Do you know how many books you could buy with £15! Honestly.

Right, that’s me.

Toodles,

B x

More thievery...

2009-04-11T10:01:00.002+01:00

More stolen questions from mum. Oh well!

1. What time did you get up this morning? 7.30am

2. What did you have for breakfast? White bread with dairy-free sunflower spread

3. What foods do you dislike? Spring onions, lamb and squid

4. Favourite sandwich? Probably egg

5. What colour is your bathroom? I suppose the main colour is cream

6. Favourite sport to watch? Rugby, tennis and any sport during the Olympics

7. Are you a morning person or night owl? Probably the morning

8. What is your best childhood memory? I started to write them out but there are just too many to count

9. What are the different jobs you've had? Shop assistant, Student Assistant, Marketing Assistant, Tourism Assistant, Senior Tourism Assistant, Marketing Assistant, Marketing Executive and now Information and Communication Worker

10. Piercings? Once in each ear

11. Favourite day of the week? Friday

12. How many times did you fail your driver's test? Twice :(

13. Bedtime? Between11 - 11.30pm on most nights but I do what my body tells me and sometimes I’m out for the count at 9pm

14. What is your favourite color? Blue is probably my very favourite colour

15. How many tattoos do you have? None yet. I have plans for something Scottish on my hip though!

16. Lake, ocean or river? Ocean

17. What are you listening to right now? I’m watching the final of a cooking show that I can’t remember the name of and listening to Dad as he finishes my kitchen!

18. What do you do most often when you are bored? Read, play the computer, watch TV or wander around and moan that I’m bored.

19. Favourite Flower? Daisies – they’re such a friendly flower!

20. Favourite ice cream? Strawberry

When it rains, it pours...

2009-04-07T18:49:00.002+01:00

I don't blog for fifty billion days and then two come along within a day of each other. Ach well...

As promised, I have stolen mum's newest blog of questions and will now recreate it with my own answers!

------------------

If I could change one thing about myself I'd … be happy in myself and not worry so much about everything.

If I can, I always try to avoid … rude people. It doesn't take any effort to say please and thank you.

When I was a child I wanted to be … a nurse. Don't get me wrong, I have absolutely no interest in doing the actual work (blood - yeuch!) but I always loved the fact that they got to wear white skirts with white trainers - to work!

I drive … a Ford Fiesta named Fizzy.

To wake myself up I … make sure my alarm is set then, before I have time to change my mind, I haul myself off to the shower. Standing on the cold, tile floor wakes me up before I even step under the water.

My "happy place" is … being with my family. If I had to pick an actual place I would choose somewhere in the country where it is quiet and peaceful.

The song I can't get out of my head is ... Vincent (Starry, Starry Night). It's not a new song but when it gets in my head it stays there for days. Stupid song!

My last meal would be … roast chicken with stuffing, chipolatas, roast potatoes, sprouts, gravy, carrots and cranberry sauce. Delish. To finish I would have apple pie - my favourite.

Some ramblings...

2009-04-06T21:52:00.000+01:00

I have nothing much of note to say at the moment, or at least nothing that fits into a neat topic for a blog. So, as a result of this I will instead write several snippets of information that perhaps will be classed as interesting. Or perhaps not!

The period of my life entitled ‘The Domestication of a Fledgling Adult’ continues as today I bought myself an ironing board. It’s not just that I bought myself an ironing board but rather than think about how pretty it was I tend to think about how sturdy it is and how large the surface area is. Being sensible just isn’t all it’s cracked up to be!

My life is now dairy free! Since it’s only been one day I can’t really say how that’s going to go. Surprisingly, cheese will be my biggest downfall!

The floor to my kitchen (yes, remember the kitchen I started last year – it’s nearly finished!) is now complete. I’ve gone for a diner look and I’m really chuffed. Unfortunately, by looking down and gazing at my tiles rather than watching where I was going, I managed to hit my head on my light fitting. And can I just point out that I tile a mean floor!

I was eating a banana today and I have to point out how much I hate those little stringy bits that don’t quite stay on the peel and don’t quite stick to the banana. They actually make me feel ill whenever I see them. Other things that I dislike include: people touching their necks (or even worse, mine), peach skins, slaters, weather vanes (especially if accompanied by a full moon), owls at the top of large poles (especially if accompanied by a full moon) and loose wet hair.

I’ve also realised that we haven’t, as a family, played a board game for a while. Surely it has been long enough that we have forgotten the incidents of cheating and crying from last year. It’s about time we created some more family chaos and dysfunction by playing another game.

Right, that’s enough from me for today. I see that mum has posted another questionnaire type thing on her blog so I’ll be able to steal that to create a new blog soon.

Tchuß.

B x

Responsible...

2009-03-10T17:13:00.001Z

After 8 months and handful of days – I am finally back as a responsible, mature adult. I finally managed to get myself a job and not only that, but it’s a fun job with nice people in a place that’s only about 8 miles from home. Yay for me! This is now my second week and so long as it stays as it is – I think I’m going to be happy there! Added bonus of only being a part time job so I manage to leave the office before the end of the day and I also have Fridays off. It’s not so much the long weekend that excites me but rather that I have time to get things done – washing, ironing, cleaning etc.

And this brings me to the problem I am facing.

I have changed.

Before I was made redundant, it didn’t take much effort for me to spend money – or more precisely, spend money on books. I’m not a shopaholic or anything but that’s only because books are relatively inexpensive. If they were £10 a go then I can guarantee that I would have been in debt.

During the months when no money was coming in, I tried to be as thrifty as possible and managed to finally get started on my ‘to be read’ pile. Said pile is such that if I read a book a week then I will finally finish all the books I haven’t read by November 2013. And that’s just the fiction books. This may sound like a lot but I still have read more than 7/8ths of my book collection. Scary.

Anyway, I widely accepted that I needed a job but it was more to fund my book habit than to pay my mortgage, heating and such. When I managed to get myself a job I was ecstatic – I finally had money coming in and the book buying could begin again.

I went on to Amazon, my wish list beckoning to me with its thousands of shiny, new books all ready to buy.

However, as I tried to move the books to the basket, a little voice inside my head started telling me that I didn’t need to buy books, that I could read the ones I had. Trying to push the voice aside was difficult. Especially when it started telling me that perhaps it would be better to buy a new hoover.

I closed my eyes and tried to quiet the voice and in the end….

…my hoover is arriving tomorrow. And not only that – I’m ridiculously excited about it and can’t wait to hoover my house.

It would appear that I am now a responsible, mature adult of the highest order.

Boo. :(

But it's not even spider season...

2009-02-23T23:34:00.002Z

I used to watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer when I was younger and Sunnydale (the town where Buffy lived) was a hellmouth. This meant that the town was fraught with supernatural activity as it was a portal between the earth and hell. I have the same kind of crap going on in my flat.

No, I don't have demons and vampires in my flat because what I have is a hellmouth for spiders! There is this place on the wall in my living room, right above the clock, where you can be sure if there's a spider in my house, it's there.

But they aren't just any old spider - oh no - these are über spiders!

I am not afraid of spiders as a general rule. I have held a tarantula in my hand quite happily and can scoop up the little blighters and hie them off to safety in the comfort of my hands. But these spiders are evil! They have big hairy bodies, beady little eyes and legs as long as spaghetti (which admittedly throws up more of a comical image than one of pure terror!). I think perhaps the fear comes from the ratio of legs to body:

Amount of fear = size of body/length of legs x 100

So basically, it's the long legs which cause the fear which is strange because I'm not scared of my sister, my dad, or indeed, Tyra Banks. Odd.

Anyway, this particular evening I looked at the clock to see if it was time to head to bed only to have my eyes drawn to an icky spider taunting me from the hellmouth above the clock. I have played this game in the past where I have chased a spider all the way around the room to attempt to trap it in a bucket so I could chuck it outside. There was also the time that I chased a massive spider underneath my wardrobe with a full-size plastic sword. But today I was going to be brave.

I headed to my kitchen to retrieve my fluffy duster (can’t you just see me fighting crime?) and then headed back to the living room to do battle. I started off as is normal, hitting the wall behind the spider with the feather duster in much the same way you would try to drive cattle across a river (I'm guessing). But the spider was on to me (he probably spoke to the other spiders that had been in my house so knew what to expect!) and he immediately dropped down into the gloom beside my telly hitting my plant on the way down!

Poking around trying to find him was a pain in the keister and there was no sign of the little bugger. My searching vantage point was on top of my stepping machine with the bucket placed in front of me (as a defensive shield) and my feather duster in the en-garde position! All was going well until the potted plant decided to fall out of position and tickle me on the cheek (upper) as I searched and I screamed, knocking down the curtain pole that has a Christmas decoration attached, an old, broken DVD player. the stupid lilies and the twigs with the lights wrapped round them. (On a side note - whenever you want me to send your crap over to Canada, Debbie, please let me know!) I could almost hear the spider sniggering to himself as the drama unfolded. This was probably better than the time I threw a bucket containing a spider out my front door and it hit the railing only to topple (in slow motion) back towards me with spider ready to jump back into the house. Screaming, I somehow managed to karate chop the bucket to change its trajectory, depositing the spider on the ground before running back to my flat and locking the door. But who know – maybe the evil über spiders can pick locks!

So here I am now, sitting on my bed, thinking about the mess in my living room and wondering how long it would take a spider to make his way from said mess through to my bedroom. I can feel him everywhere and I'll just bet he's watching me and planning his next appearance.

The most annoying thing of all is that IT'S NOT EVEN SPIDER SEASON!

And finally, apros pos of nothing - my room smells like garlic and it is both perplexing and really annoying.

Good night,

B x

Something for a Sunday...

2009-02-22T17:21:00.002Z

Nothing much to say today but I just had to blog so that I would have an excuse to post a link to Robert Webb doing Flashdance for Comic Relief.

Some of the best, yet most bizarre TV I have seen in a long while!

Enjoy!

On this day...

2009-02-20T17:44:00.002Z

I like this tradition that I have started of seeing something good on Mum's blog and then replicating it on my own. Makes originality a lot easier!

Here's the deal:

1. Go to Wikipedia and type your birth month and day (not year).
2. List three events from that day.
3. List two important births and one death.
4. List one holiday or observance.

So here we go...

Events
1. 1204 - Baldwin IX, Count of Flanders is crowned as the first Emperor of the Latin Empire. (Baldwin? *sniggers*)
2. 1929 - In Hollywood, California, the first Academy Awards are handed out.
3. 2007 - Alex Salmond is elected First Minister of Scotland.

Births
1. 1953 - Pierce Brosnan, Irish actor
2. 1969 - David Boreanaz, American actor

Death
1. 1990 - Jim Henson, American puppeteer (b. 1936)

Holiday
1. Middlesex Day (I have looked this up and basically, all the Middlesexians/Middlesexists gather for a rousing good par-tay to celebrate their great county. Sounds like fun!

The joy of a packed lunch

2009-02-18T20:32:00.002Z

I have been out of work for some time now and there are many things that you miss out on by not having a job, money being a big one! But of course, the biggest thing that you miss out on each day is a packed lunch. This is why I’m very excited that I’ve become a volunteer because I get to take my lunch with me for each day I’m there!

The last place I worked (albeit briefly) didn’t have any sort of facility for the packed luncher bar a few tables in the cafeteria. It seemed to be the kind of organisation that looked down on people that made their own lunches. For a girl with her own bright pink packed lunch bag that has separate compartments for every different piece of the lunch – this was an unforgivable sin. Maybe that’s why I left!

My job before last, and the place where I had worked practically since leaving university, was much better suited to someone with lunch bag love like me. There was, count them, a microwave, fridge, toastie maker, kettle, grill, water cooler, a full stocked cupboard of plates, cups and cutlery and a whole kitchen where you could sit and eat away from your desk. Bliss.

In my opinion, people that simply take sandwiches for their lunch are amateurs. Not that I mind a nice sandwich but I always think it’s more fun to have some totally random stuff for your lunch and make your colleagues ridiculously jealous! My favourite part of lunch used to be when a colleague scoffed at my pretty pink lunch bag (which was so bright and so unusual that I wouldn’t be surprised if you could see it from space with all the lights turned off!) and proceeded to look down on me as they chowed down on their shop-bought filled roll. Then I would produce a home made scotch egg complete with fresh salad and homemade coleslaw from my bag and that’s when the disgust would turn to pure unadulterated envy and they would invariably start sobbing over their crunchy roll with saturated tuna and wilted lettuce. Good times.

Some of my favourite packed lunches include: prawn cocktail with salad and brown bread pieces, baked potato with coleslaw, tortilla chips with melted cheese, salsa and guacamole, leftover lasagne, scotch eggs, soup with a crusty roll, pasta salad, brie and cranberry baguette, tuna toastie with crisps, cheese sandwiches… The more I type, the hungrier I get and I’ve just had my tea!

I can’t remember if the place I’m volunteering has anywhere to heat food so I’m going to have to think of something simple (yet delicious) to take on Friday. I think it’s time for some more lists.

Finally, this has got to be one of the best things I have ever seen:

http://www.thinkofthe.com/products/lunch_bag.php

Happy packing,

B x

Once again...

2009-01-21T13:18:00.003Z

Once again I'm copying mum's blog by posting 10 new questions to myself that she posted earlier today. It's easier to do that than post something original at the moment - and at least it shows that I'm alive and kicking!

1. How long is your hair?
Short but not boy short.

2. What brand of toothpaste do you use?
Aquafresh normally but at the moment it's Colgate.

3. What is the most you would spend on a pair of jeans?
Probably £30.

4. What jewellery do you wear everyday?
My silver footprint ring on my right hand.

5. What's your favourite candy bar?
I like Cadbury's Dairy Milk, Creme Eggs, Chocolate Buttons... I could go on. Yet I'm not allowed to eat chocolate. *Sigh*

6. Are you a night owl or an early bird?
I can be both but I'm probably more of an early bird.

7. What's your favourite TV show?
Friends, How I Met Your Mother, Ace of Cakes, ANTM and Mythbusters.

8. Do you believe in ghosts?
Probably. I've seen nothing to prove that they don't exist, so I'm open-minded.

9. How old were you when you went on your first date?
Haven't a clue.

10. Which celebrity really gets on your nerves?
I was going to list them but it would take too long. Angelina Jolie is probably on the top of my hit list though!

100 Questions...

2009-01-10T12:02:00.002Z

This was on my mum's blog and I've decided to steal it under the guise of putting my answers on my own blog. This has the added benefit of making me look like the one that started it off should someone visit my blog first!! (Despite the fact that I've just told you my plan!)

1. Started your own blog: yes
2. Slept under the stars: I've camped and laid awake out under the stars if that counts.
3. Played in a band (orchestra): Yes - the recorder!
4. Visited Hawaii: Nope
5. Watched a meteor shower: Not sure - I've seen a meteor though!
6. Given more than you can afford to charity: No. If I did then I'd be the one in need of charity.
7. Been to Disneyland: World not land.
8. Climbed a mountain: Hill, yes. Mountain/Munro, no.
9. Held a praying mantis: No and don't really aspire to.
10. Sang a solo: Yes
12. Visited Paris: Not yet but plan to.
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea: Never had the chance!
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch: No
15. Adopted a child: No
16. Had food poisoning: Yes, from a chicken sandwich at a cafe that will remain nameless.
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty: No
18. Grown your own vegetables: Yes - carrots and lettuce.
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France: No
20. Slept in an overnight train: Slept on a train - yes. An actual overnight train - no.
21. Had a pillow fight: Yes
22. Hitchhiked: No
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill: Of course.
24. Built a snow fort: Attempted to.
25. Held a lamb: Yes
26. Gone skinny dipping: No
27. Run a marathon: A half and some 10ks.
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice: No
29. Seen a total eclipse (solar): Yes but since you're not supposed to look directly at them, I should really say no incase mum reads this and gives me into trouble!
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset: Yes
31. Hit a home run: Eh, no.
32. Been on a cruise: Went on the Maid of the Forth - does that count?
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person: Yes
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors: Yes
35. Seen an Amish community: Nope
36. Taught yourself a new language: Various. Not that I remember much...
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied: Is that possible?
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person: No
39. Gone rock climbing: Yes
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David: No (where is he anyway?)
41. Sung karaoke: No
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt: On the telly - but I doubt that's what was meant.
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant: No, and no-one's bought me one either!
44. Visited Africa: No
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight: Yes
46. Been transported in an ambulance: No
47. Had your portrait painted: No
48. Gone deep sea fishing: Can't say that I have.
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person: No
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris: No
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling: No
52. Kissed in the rain: Yes
53. Played in the mud: Yes
55. Been in a movie: Nope
56. Visited the Great Wall of China: No
57. Started a business: No
58. Taken a martial arts class: No but I'd quite like to.
59. Visited Russia: нет
60. Served at a soup kitchen: No
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies: No
62. Gone whale watching: Seen a whale but I didn't specifically go looking for it.
63. Got flowers for no reason: Yes
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp: No
67. Bounced a check: Don't think so.
68. Flown in a helicopter: Nope
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy: More than one!
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial: Nope
71. Eaten cavier: No (bleuch!)
72. Pieced a quilt: No
73. Stood in Times Square: No
74. Toured the Everglades: No - isn't that where all the alligators live?
75. Been fired from a job: No - I've never been caught doing anything bad!
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London: Again on the telly. But no.
77. Broken a bone: Mine - no. A doggy biscuit bone - yes.
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle: No
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person: No
80. Published a book: No
81. Visited the Vatican: No
82. Bought a brand new car: Yes and it's broken already. ANGER!
83. Walked in Jerusalem: No
84. Had your picture in the newspaper: Yes - on numerous occasions (unfortunately!)
85. Read the entire Bible: Parts of it but not all of it.
86. Visited the White House: A white house - yes.
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating: Oh my God - no way!
88. Had chicken pox: Yep and have the scars to prove it.
89. Saved someone’s life: I could if I wanted to - I'm trained to save lives!
90. Sat on a jury: No
91. Met someone famous: I must have done. I'm wracking my brains and just can't think at the moment. Oooh - Donnie Munro from Runrig - so that would be a no then!
92. Joined a book club: No
93. Lost a loved one: Yes
94. Had a baby: Not to my knowledge.
95. Seen the Alamo in person: I forgot the Alamo. No.
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake: No
97. Been involved in a lawsuit: No
98. Owned a mobile phone: Yep
99. Been stung by a bee: Yes, on my lovely fuzzy blue and white socks. I remember crying my heart out. (I was very young btw)
100. Read an entire book in one day: I've read more than 1 book in a day.

Bake-arama

2009-01-09T18:28:00.005Z

Happy Christmas, Boxing Day, Hogmanay, New Year, Epiphany etc etc etc. So much for constantly posting over Christmas! Ooops.

But you can’t hold that against me because it happened last year! All problems, complaints, sins committed, money owed etc get forgotten about with the start of the new year.

Although I love resolutioning (not a real word), I’m not going to divulge them to anyone. That way, no-one knows what I’ve vowed to do or not do. And no-one can tell whether I’ve failed or not!

So, back to real life and the bake-fest that’s been going on of late…

First, the ninja-bread men.

And finally, and much more excitingly, the dog biscuits. I bought a dog biscuit cooking book so that we could make Rosie some healthy treats and because it looked like so much fun! I was slightly worried that she wouldn’t like them because she can be quite fussy (except when it comes to cheese and doggy choccy bones!) but she loved them. See the pics below…

And that’s me. I might post again soon, or perhaps my new year’s resolution was to not blog so much!! You’ll never know…

B x

Link of the day: Thought this was kinda cool
What I'm reading today: Just about to start a new book.
Weather of today: Flippin’ freezin’
Quote of the day: See Mum’s blog
Stress of the day: The cold weather.

‘Twas the night before Christmas…

2008-12-24T19:46:00.001Z

It’s the day before and it’s all go in the house to get things ready. Here is the rundown of things that are happening:

7am: Mum gets up to take the turkey out of the freezer. Dad is getting ready to go to work. I am still asleep with visions of sugarplums dancing in my head.

8am: Dad has gone off to work and mum and I have had breakfast and gone through the list of what needs to be done today. We have realised a little fact: I spelt the name of the fairy cabbage wrong yesterday. It should have been Brussels Sprout (one ‘l’ and an ‘s’ at the end). It’s a crazy life we lead here!

Morning: Mum did the ironing then decided what she was going to wear for Christmas – she’ll look smashing. I did some baking after we decided that it wasn’t wise to only eat sweets (and lots of them) throughout the day. Dad came home having been allowed to leave work at lunchtime since it is Christmas Eve.

Afternoon: Dad set up the video camera while Rosie barked at the dog on the telly! After that we went on a walk while Mum baked some more. Then it was time to start the preparations for the tea tomorrow. I don’t usually do this part so by the time I had finished the sprouts, Mum had done the carrots, parsnips and potatoes! We finished things in record time and then made the traditional salad for Christmas Eve tea.

Evening: After tea I went for a quick shower and then we watched Toy Story 2 (“Well, Slotted Pig”) and now Shrek The Halls is on. My nails are painted and Mum is wrapping the last of the presents. I don’t know what Dad is doing but it’s probably something to do with the man drawer!

All in all it’s not a very exciting day but it does mean it’s only 1 day until Christmas!!

Might blog again tomorrow – we’ll see how it goes.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

Love B x

P.S. Find out where in the world Santa is. I think this tradition is fab.

Countdown to Christmas

2008-12-23T18:56:00.002Z

It’s Christmas in 2 days time and my big sister is stuck in Canada.

She had a flight booked home and then the horrible weather hit and her flight was delayed and then cancelled and then rescheduled and then cancelled. She had been awake for approximately 35 hours before she finally had to head back to her place in Canada and give up on coming back for Christmas.

It is just one of these things but my heart feels like it’s breaking. I’ve never had a Christmas without my big sister and it just won’t be the same without her. I adore Christmas – it’s my favourite time of the year but right now I wish it was any other time of the year. It all feels so wrong. Add to that my eyes are puffy, my nose is red and streaming and I’m going to look a fright in any festive snaps!!

So, since Debbie can’t be with us, it seems only fair to put up a running commentary of what is going on throughout the day. Hopefully this will continue up until Christmas and give a glimpse of what’s going on here and what she’s managed to avoid!!

6.45am: Mum and Jo get up and, bleary eyed, head to Tesco to avoid the crazy rush of Christmas food shoppers. Luckily there were no tug-o-wars over the last sprout or scratching the eyes out of the lady that took the last of the trifle sponges off the shelf.

7.45am: Mum and Jo return to Tesco carpark after shopping and panic because Mum’s yellow car is not in the space where we left it. It takes a beat to remember that the reason for this is because Jo drove and she drives a blue car. Sleep deprivation helps no-one!

8.30am: Home and breakfast of butteries and honey – YUM! Rosie thinks it’s snacktime and asks for (and gets) some breakfast. Greedy git!

9.30am: Is it not coffee time yet? How can it only be half past nine? There are good things to eat for snack but it’s far to early to have a break. Even if I’m not doing anything to take a break from!

10am: Rosie and Bruiser pose for pictures with and without the sprout that they both enjoyed some of last night. The cable is working again so I can now watch any of the crap that is on the telly. There really is nothing on today. We don’t even seem to be getting The Sound of Music or The Great Escape.

11am: Jo realises that she is moving between the third and first person perspectives within the blog and I get really annoyed!!! Been to and are back from Granny’s for snack. Rosie is sleeping and mum is dancing along to Christmas tunes. During this hour mum also blogged about Debbie not coming home for Christmas. Much crying ensued!

12pm-2pm: Been speaking to Debbie on the ichat, having lunch and then Dad popped in during his lunch break. After asking me to remove the outer leaves, Rosie once again started to eat her Brussell Sprout. Poor Bruiser is sitting prone on the floor beside a mangled looking leaf.

2pm-4pm: Very tired after a night awake, I had a lovely afternoon nap to rejuvenate me.

4-5pm: Mum pottered on her computer and I watched the TV. Can’t you just see all the thrilling things you are missing!

5-6pm: Tea was baked potatoes and re-runs of Friends, followed by tablet and peppermint creams.

6-7pm: Dad (who is home, obviously) is playing about with some Vinyl restoration thing that I got from Amazon. Mum and I are watching cookery progs and Rosie is sleeping on the fluffy blanket that we swiped from Debbie’s bed. Later on, Dad and I are going for a walk and probably delivering Christmas cards to the neighbours. Then, we’ll be back in time for me to get my stuff from Amazon and then I might try and force the parentals to watch a Christmas film. I’m rooting for White Christmas or All I Want For Christmas.

And that’s the update for today.

I know that Debbie’s friends in Halifax will keep her safe over Christmas and at least she’ll get the coveted White Christmas! I just want to say thank you to everyone who rallied around and helped her during her crisis - it sounds like she's got a great group of people around her.

Love J x

The mystery of the disappearing smartie

2008-12-10T22:32:00.003Z

Before I begin this blog, I would like to pose a question: the sweets are called Smarties – does that make a single sweetie (i.e. one little circle of chocolate covered with a sugar shell) a smartie or a smarty? Hmmm?

Anyway, today, for me, was the official start of the Christmas season. This is despite having my tree up for nearly a week, playing carols and Christmas tunes for nearly 3 weeks and being excited as a little girl for about, oh, 3 months.

The reason for my new festive outlook is that today was the day of my official tree light switch on. I figure that my flat looks a lot more festive than some of the crappy towns around our parts – so if they get to have an official ceremony to switch on their lights, so should I!

My food preparation went like clockwork with things going in and out my oven with the precision of something really precise (I can’t think of any examples at the moment). It all looked lovely, it all smelled lovely and, believe me, it all tasted lovely. Unfortunately for me, my UC has meant that I am suffering for every single thing that I ate today. I faithfully take my medicine but annoyingly enough, if I even sniff any food that’s remotely fun, my stomach revolts! How lovely!

The most bizarre part of the evening for me was when Dad decided to have the aforementioned Smarties. He threw (as boys/men are want to do) a handful of smarties into his awaiting gob and, alas, two did not complete their trip. One ended up at the neck of his shirt while one, much to Dad’s disgust, managed to wriggle its way down the actual neckline. The most bizarre bit of this story is that after that, the smartie disappeared. Dad stood up, did some sort of dance that apparently makes all things dropped down the front of shirts reappear – but all to no avail. He even wiggled each leg in turn just in case it had made the perilous journey all the way down! I was going to start a list of where it might be found but that’s too gross, even for me!

So, that’s me for this evening. I’ll try and post some pics later on.

B x

Link of the day: Good ol’ Jimmy gets mashed up!
What I'm reading today: An anthology called On Santa’s Naughty List
Weather of today: Slightly chilly with some frost but little else.
Quote of the day: I don’t like to fly. There nowhere in the world that I want to go to so much that I’m willing to be launched there at 750miles an hour in a tin can filled with other people!
Stress of the day: Woolies is set to completely close down before the year’s end.

Bathalicious!

2008-12-04T12:12:00.007Z

One of the things I’ve always wanted to do was go to Bath. Ironically enough, another thing that I’ve always wanted to do was install a bath in my (shower only) flat. But that’s not very relevant for this blog.

My wish came true when I managed to persuade mum to come on a weekend city break with me. I think she was swayed by the fact she wouldn’t have to clean or wash dishes for a few days, as well as the fact that I would pester and moan at her if she didn’t agree to come with me.

Flying has never been a particular joy of mine but luckily our flight was very early in the morning so I was slightly dazed and confused and don’t remember much of it except the lady next to me was writing her Christmas cards – genius!

Anyway – skipping over the boring travelly bits, we hit Bath quite hard, visiting the Abbey, Roman Baths, Assembly Rooms, Fashion Museum, Bath Glass, Pump Rooms, Guildhall, Christmas Market, No.1 Royal Crescent, Jane Austen Museum as well as all the cool Georgian architecture bits of the town. For those that don’t know me – I am a self confessed lover of all things Regency, Austen and costume drama, so I was in my element.

Here are some pics that I took. If you want to see more, including one of me looking as skinny as a rake (!) then head here.

Bath Abbey - inside and out

The Guildhall - now the council's registry offices.

The Assembly Rooms (if you look towards the end of the road of the first pic you can see where we stayed)

The Royal Crescent

The Circus

Pulteney Bridge

Roman Baths

After all that - mum had had enough!

I had a wonderful time in Bath with mum and I am even more pleased to note that I now have major dirt on mum that I plan to threaten to reveal whenever I decide it necessary. Hopefully this will help me get money, food, attention and anything else I fancy (perhaps even a bath for my flat). Some may call this blackmail – I simply call it good sense!

In a final note I would like to apologise to mum for breaking her hand into a million pieces on the return flight. The plane felt like it was falling to earth and I admit that I got a little over eager with my hand holding. Goodness knows what I thought breaking mum’s hand would achieve if we really were plummeting to earth. Thankfully, we arrived just fine (except mum’s hand, that is) but I doubt mum will be going on any planes with me again unless she’s wearing huge ski gloves!

And that’s me for the mo. Hopefully I won’t be so lax and will blog again before Christmas – but who knows!?

What we don’t have time for today: first snow of the winter, my kitchen, Christmas and the theft of mum’s suet balls (which isn’t nearly as dirty or shocking as you might imagine!)

Cheery pip,

B x

Link of the day: Don’t know why this is so funny – but it is!
What I'm reading today: Just finished Bath Tangle by Georgette Heyer
Weather of today: Just cold – none of the gallons of snow that we were promised!
Quote of the day: Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.
Stress of the day: Where to put up mum’s advent calendar

Games that end a marriage

2008-11-14T19:21:00.004Z

Ah – so much time has passed since I last blogged. My hope is that this will lead to an aura of mystery about me. People will start to whisper: where is she?; what has she been doing?; is that really her bum in Pretty Woman?*

Kitchen work is continuing and although everything’s going well, there are plenty of things to hold up work - namely Dad! (Aww – I’m only joking!) More on that later…

First, I must discuss the reason for the dubious nature of the title of this post.

Last week I purchased another board game for us to play as a family at Christmas. (If you’re wondering – no – I never learn!) Rather than wait the whole 40 odd days – we decided just to open it on up and have a game. The game in question is Blokus and the object of the game is to rid yourself of your strangely shaped pieces on a board before everyone else. Your pieces have to touch in a certain way (which sounds a hell of a lot ruder than I anticipated when I started that sentence!) and of course there’s the inclusion of other (devious) players. I’m sure you can see where my tale is going. The game started off fairly good naturedly until Dad decided to take the game’s name too literally and blocked Mum in. He didn’t just block her a little bit but so that she could no longer play.

Knowing Dad as we do, this wasn’t too much of a surprise. When he’s paying attention, he’s actually quite ruthless. What was a surprise was the fact he had absolutely no compunction about behaving so mercilessly. Mum, in a way that only a wife can, looked at him with her doe eyes and asked how he could do that to her? How? He shrugged, laughed and coughed into his hand (which sounded suspiciously like the word quiff – with 2 f’s). Mum was astounded and so began a heartfelt rant on how you can live with someone for almost 30 years and not know them at all. Dad just shrugged, laughed and smiled a smug little smile.

While the ink dries on the divorce papers, I hope that I will learn. Do NOT play board games with my family.

Okay – back to the kitchen. Before the photos I will relate a little tale. I will do so as briefly as I can. One night, my dad came over to my flat in order to help me with some kitchenny stuff and since I had recently built up some floor cabinets, it was decided to screw them to the wall. They were attached when Dad decided just to put a screw in the far end – just to make sure it stayed put. The events played out as follows:

Dad: Whirrrrrrrrrr (this is the sound of the drill – Dad wasn’t actually saying this!)
Wall: Bang (Dad throws a look of abject horror my way)
Wall: Hisssssssssssssssssssssssss
Jo: Oh God – is that gas?
Dad: No, no – it’s just water.
Dad: *Sniffs* Oh – actually it is gas!
Dad runs to switch off gas.
Jo runs around in panic, trying to protect the dog and trying to remember not to switch on/off any lights. (I have this fear that I will do something stupid just because I know I shouldn’t!)

Yes, he drilled through my gas pipe. My newly put in gas pipe. My newly put in gas pipe right underneath the newly fitted, polyfillad and painted alcove. Luckily for him my wrath was short lived (for me) and my plumber was able to come out and sort it fairly quickly.

Oops – not so briefly after all!

Here are the pics:

The wall cabinets and the new floor cabinets in place

This is the alcove with the wood added in, the plasterboard added, pollyfillad and painted and then filled.

My new shelves in the sink room.

My lovely new utensil racks

Dad holding his shin where I kicked him for bursting my gas pipe (not really)

The things we didn’t have time for: Hallowe’en, Guy Fawkes Night, the rugby with Dad (where he stick-in-the-mud-ingly did not participate in the Mexican wave), Bath and my delicious Highlander chicken wrapped in prosciutto that I made tonight! YUM!

* No

Toodles for noodles,

B xx

Link of the day: Man witnesses an accident
What I'm reading today: I am currently between books!
Weather of today: Windy, windy – very, very windy!
Quote of the day: Some days you’re the pigeon, some you’re the statue
Stress of the day: Having the right size of bag for my luggage for Bath

My Sister

2008-10-23T21:38:00.005+01:00

When I was 11 years old, my older sister hit me in the head with a golf club. She claimed, and still continues to claim, that right before impact she told me to move out of the way. This was belied by the mischievously evil grin on her face as she not so subtly looked for signs of blood on my skull.

I suppose I should be grateful, as I understand that my dad’s older brother rolled him down a hill into a holly bush when he was but a teeny weeny baby. As harsh as this is, the image makes me want to laugh out loud. Or perhaps that’s just a sign of the blunt force trauma and resulting head injury from “the golf club incident” of ‘93.

In belated retribution for this incident (and so many more that I can’t begin to name them!) I will now present evidence of the evil nature of my sister.

Exhibit 1:

Exhibit 2:

Exhibit 3:

Exhibit 4:
She’s crazy, funny, silly, a little hard to decipher sometimes, doesn’t know her left from her right, has crazy hair (sometimes), is artistic, sometimes mean (see evidence above! ;)), and, did I mention silly?

And she’s my sister. And I love her to pieces. And she’s going away. And I will miss her like crazy.

I wish she didn’t want to go but I hope that she has a good time and comes back soon. The family won’t be the same without you with us.

Love you forever.

B xx

I hate cutting tiles...

2008-10-15T22:11:00.006+01:00

Work is continuing on my dream kitchen and as the days roll by I am learning more and more random facts about myself and diy – and how the two combine.

1. Tile adhesive sticks to fingers, nails and arms almost as well as it sticks tiles to walls.
2. I hate, hate, hate tile cutters and cutting tiles. I’ve wasted more tiles than I’ve used trying to cut 4 bits of tile. Anger!
3. The amount of bruises on my body is increasing by the day and it’s getting pretty tiring having to squeeze through to get to my, well, anything.

Here are some pictures of my progress so far. It may not look like much but I can assure you I’ve been working my derrière off!

This is my slatted wall which I’ve pollyfilla’d and painted. Very proud of this!

My newly painted white wall (yes, the fridge is sitting in the middle of the floor!)
My first ever attempt at tiling. You can't really see but there are hundreds of matches between the tiles. Still need to grout!

The newly painted tiles in my sink room.
My messy kitchen with my new tiles half finished in the background and Will and Grace on the tv!

And that's my update for the moment.

B x

Cluedo Crybaby

2008-10-12T21:47:00.002+01:00

Hello.

My name is Josephine and I am a sore loser.

Unfortunately I doubt that there are any Sore Losers Anonymous classes that I can go to in order to get over my shameful secret.

Well, to tell the truth it’s not much of a secret.

The drama unfolded this evening, as it did last week, with a decision by someone within the family to play a game. I vote that the next person to suggest this gets a swift smack around the chops and a hefty clip to the ear and rear.

Somehow the game chosen was Cluedo. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Ah – how wrong a person can be.

Each player around the table fell into 2 categories:

1) Not having a Scooby Doo how to play, or,
2) Having forgotten completely how to play in the years since the game was last touched

Having poured over the rules (aside: is that how you spell poured in this sense?) we got set to play the game. It’s one of danger, intrigue, murder and those little plastic men that have an uncanny ability to get lost.

Many will know the rules of the game are to discover the murderer by a process of elimination and accusation. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is where my understanding both began and ended.

This would be a fine thing to happen if it happened to everyone else. Unfortunately, in this instance my confusion was a solo affliction and I suddenly realised what it must be like for a Playboy Bunny to find herself at a quantum physics convention. Only without the blonde hair, big boobs, killer body and access to a very rich man.

The hysterical excitement of the first round gave way to a frown, and then to a dawning understanding that I was crap at this game and everyone else wasn’t, and then to borderline temper tantrum and finally to tears as my sad little counter waddled about the board after the much faster and more athletic pieces of the other players. Even the anorexic Mrs Peacock moved about the board faster than poor ol’ Reverend Josephine Green.

In the end Mum was the winner (and no, despite the quif incident of Scrabblegate 2008, I don’t believe that she cheated. This time!) Mum declared the murderer, weapon and room with Pips 1 & 2 nodding in agreement with the fact that they were only a beat away from outing the killer themselves. In complete contrast, there I sat, my confused and glaikit expression darting from person to person, trying to figure out what the hell was going on. I still have no idea.

Not one clue.

And then it happened. Unable to control myself any longer – the tears started. And then kept coming. And coming. And coming.

The sore loser had emerged.

In my defense, I hate not being good at things I think I should be good at. I am trying to content myself with the fact that perhaps my brain just isn’t devious and analytical but since I can’t think of what that makes my brain, this is pretty cold comfort. Since the rest of my family seem to have devious and analytical brains then one of two things should be true:

1) I should be very worried when I’m alone in a room with them.
2) I am adopted.

Either way – I am still a sore loser and don’t think I will ever change. Maybe I shouldn’t play games any more. Or perhaps I should cheat. I like that option better. Perhaps I could team up with the master of cheating (mum) and see if we can double team so that I win everything. Now that is a comforting thought.

B x

Link of the day: Listen to ALL of it – I dare you!!
What I'm reading today: Agnes and the Hitman by Jennifer Crusie
Weather of today: Dry but a teensy bit cold and windy
Quote of the day: “She was shaking like a leaflet” said by Vincent from SCD
Stress of the day: Being a Cluedo dumbass and a sore loser to boot.

Scrabblegate 2008

2008-10-05T20:00:00.001+01:00

Each morning you wake up wondering what the day will bring – good or bad? Never do you think that a belief system will be shaken, that all you hold dear and true will be questioned and the very fabric of your moral compass will be ripped asunder. And the reason for this?

Quiff. Or rather, quif.

The day started out like any other – there were no rumbles of distant thunder or ominous crows flying overhead that would have given us an inkling of the dramas yet to come.

The day continued like any other – again without any black cats crossing our paths or four horsemen taking a canter down the street.

But tea was had, clearing up was done and soon the words that would change the course of our lives were to be uttered. ‘Does anyone want a game of Scrabble?’ (Admittedly, these precise words were not used. It was actually a good 5-minute conversation that consisted of:

Person 1: [From upstairs at the games cupboard] Does anyone want to play a game?
Person 2: [From downstairs in the kitchen] Okay. How about Scrabble?
Person 1: Is Scrabble okay with everyone?
Person 2: [Shouting] Yes!
Person 1: Anyone else?
Person 2: [Still shouting] Yes!
Person 1: [In a angry and shouty voice that should have been a warning of things to come] I can only hear one voice answering me. Does anyone else want to play Scrabble or not?
Person 3 & 4: [Blissfully unaware of the brouhaha their lack of answering has caused] Oh, okay then.

And so it began.

The game was going along fine (although not for me because I was losing!) when I managed to place the word ‘fax’. That’s right F-A-X! It’s a flipping word. It may be short for something but I didn’t hear anyone complaining when Dad put down the word ‘eh’. I mean come on – we’re supposed to be intelligent people and we’re happy enough with ‘eh’! I personally think that the reason for the commotion was because it was on a triple word. (I know – it was a blinder! I must remember to pray to the Scrabble gods in thanks!)

On the next turn, still smarting because fax was placed on the board the following went down: Q-U-I-F.

Hold the phone, says I, that’s so not how you spell quiff. It’s got 2 f’s.

The player in question (and brace yourself for this) – Mum – said that she was sure that this was how it was spelled and I had been allowed fax so she should be allowed this. So, graciously (or at least a really poor attempt at it) I said that it was fine (it wasn’t), there was no need to check our Official Scrabble Dictionary. (That’s right – OFFICIAL! If they say fax is fine, then fax is fine!)

The game carried on and I pulled back in an amazing display of skill (but apparently not modesty) to be on the cusp of winning the game – only to fall short by a measly 3 points. I came in third. (I know – third – it shames me to say it!)

The ruckus over the word fax continued (despite coming third) and in a fit of pique I decided to look up the word quif. Funnily enough, it was not in the dictionary.

And then it happened.

“I know”, said mum. “You spell it with 2 f’s”.

The fallout was cataclysmic. After a beat of stunned silence, Debbie’s wails could be heard from as far away as East Kilbride as she processed the knowledge that mum had lied. Lied. I still can barely believe it. Dad (if he even was aware of what was going on) must have been questioning how he could be married to someone for 29 (count them) years and not have seen this side of her.

Remorse was not to be found (despite the fact it would score about 9 points!) and mum continued to ascertain she had won the game.

The scandal continued when it was revealed that Debbie had profited by the ‘q’ of ‘quif’ and on a triple letter no less. I now know how politicians feel when a scandal rocks the cabinet, bringing down everyone and their sister. Debbie, by default had cheated too.

Being the only upstanding one left (except Dad – but he was fourth!) I declared myself winner of the game. But at what cost? Our family has been rocked to its foundations and games night will never be the same again.

Furthermore – I will never be able to look at Elvis again without thinking of this night. 5th October, 2008 – the night of Scrabblegate.

B x

The work begins…

2008-10-04T22:06:00.003+01:00

So, to put Christmas firmly from my mind – I have started to make-over my kitchen! I actually started a couple of days ago and already my hands are covered in white paint, there’s grout up my fingernails and I have realised that:

• tile paint does not come off hands/paintbrushes/stainless steel sinks (oops!)
• tile paint flows quite freely when the tin is tipped on its end (major oops!)
• when you lean on a bit of wood that’s been newly painted you’re going to get a dirty white hand.

And I’m pretty sure there will be many more to come!

I stupidly didn’t take any pictures of the room before I began but there are some pics now that I’ve moved most of my kitchen into my living room and already started. Witness the frosted glass on the window (I did that!) and the white splodge of paint on the tiles (this was taken when the first two items on my above list were still unknown to me!).

Mum has also made me a curtain to cover my front door and very lovely it is too. I don’t have a picture of that yet but one will be forthcoming in the next kitchen update.

More information as and when it happens. That is if I can get my fingers free of paint/tile paint/grout so that I can type on my computer!

Cheerio,

B x

Link of the day: Had to get Christmas in somewhere!
What I'm reading today: Just finished Coming Undone by Susan Andersen
Weather of today: The pouriest rain you ever did see.
Quote of the day: “I’ve come for a package” – said to the hot postie when I went to collect my parcel at the depot this morning. Oh dear.
Stress of the day: Tile paint on my paws.

The pigeons returneth…

2008-09-16T20:53:00.003+01:00

The pigeons have returned in their thousands (this is, potentially, a complete exaggeration) to once again grace the church opposite my humble abode. I am quite glad of this for a number of reasons…

1) I was worried about those little blighters
2) I was slightly irritated that those same blighters were off in sunnier climes while I was staring at an empty church in the pouring rain
3) Their return means that it’s nearly Christmas!!

Of course everyone now realises that the pigeon talk was all so I could provide a legitimate link to talk about Christmas!!! Now, as I am writing this it is 99 days, 4 hours, 57 minutes and 42 seconds until the actual day. That may seem like a lot of time but let’s do the math.

With only 99 days to go, that means that there are 15 Wednesdays and 14 of each other day until the 25th December. So, when you think about it, we’ve got only 2 weeks of each day left! Two weeks! That’s not long at all!! I’m a little panicked – must get shopping, cooking, decorating and watching of Christmas movies. Pronto!

With the pigeons returning, it also means that it’s getting towards my favourite season – winter! It’s the season of autumn leaves, warm gloves, comfy boots, casseroles, big jumpers, crisp mornings, long walks, costume dramas, long jammies and dark nights. Ooooh and Strictly Come Dancing.

I have also learned a fabulous new word today – stressette – which relates to young women that are stressed out by the world in general. In honour of this I am introducing two new categories to my list below. How exciting.

Until next time, earthlings.

Kisses,

B x

Link of the day: It’s David Cameron
What I'm reading today: The Naked Marquis by Sally Mackenzie
Weather of today: Rain, rain and more rain
Quote of the day: You laugh because I'm different......... I laugh cause I just farted!
Word of the day: Stressette
Stress of the day: Money, life, purpose, and that picture of the chocolate cake from my first blog – makes me wanna barf!

Update: got some pictures of the pigeons...

Every journey starts with a single blog...

2008-08-21T15:23:00.001+01:00

It's been a fairly quiet day today - just the way I like it. Rosita is staying with me as the parentals are having a dirty weekend over in gay Paree! (Writing it as 'Paris' just makes you look like one of those people who speaks French with a hideously British accent!)

Looking after sweet Po always reminds me why I am far too immature to accept the responsibility of a dog full time. I don't seem to be able to grasp why we have to go out in the rain to do the business and why it can't just be held in when I'm watching something gripping on the TV. Can you imagine what I'd be like with a child? *Shudder* Having said that, it is nice to have someone to snuggle up with on the sofa and to be there to greet me when I come home. Dammit that makes me sound pathetic!

Before Mum left she gave me all the food of hers that would go off before they got back and the
eclectic mix included 3 pints milk. So, what else could I do with the milk than make a chocolate cake? (I know, I know - there are almost a thousand other, healthier things that I could have made but this was definitely the most fun!) So, cake made (with malt vinegar - eek!) and it tastes delicious. It also tastes like big hips and a fat stomach but who knew that could taste so good? :D If you're looking to make the cake yourself then find the reciple here.

Ah - just realised that you always have to be on your toes when a dog is around. Went to the loo and have come back to find my chocolate cake plate looks suspiciously like it has been through the dishwasher - not a crumb to be found! Cheeky little sod. Note to self - remember never to leave the rest of the cake anywhere within doggy reach!

Well, back to the 'lympics. By watching people do all this exercise I am burning calories too, right? Let's hope so.

B x

Link of the day: Message in a bottle
What I'm reading today: Shakespeare and the Three Kings by Victoria Alexander
Weather of today: Driving rain, glorious sunshine and then some more rain. Gotta love the Scottish weather!
Quote of the day: Motorcycle riders know why dogs stick their heads out the window